AF Dr. Mom

Austin Half Ironman

2011-10-31T22:42:00.001-04:00

Finally getting around to writing about the big triathlon last weekend! I trained for 4 months for my 1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike, then a 13.1 mile run. Goals were to go under 7 hours and place in the top half of my age group. Guess you gotta wait until the end to see how it turned out!

I went up on Saturday with Heather. James had a soccer game, so Jack and and he came up later that day. Heather hung with me as I checked in, turned in my bike, and went to the athlete brief. Jack and James arrived later and we went out for a nice Italian pasta loading dinner. I finished all the last preparations on my stuff and it was lights out at 9PM with an Ambien to make sure I slept peacefully all night. With my eye cover and ear plugs to make sure Jack could keep watching tv!

Up the next morning at 430, I think. Ate about 700 calories so they could start digesting 3 hours before the race. Then I hopped in the car and headed out to the race site. Parked the car in the dark (remember that!) and then hopped the shuttle to the swim site. This was a two transition race- had never done one of those before and I don't like it one bit. that means that you pick up the bike in one spot and drop it off at another. Your stuff has to go in all these different bags and all your stuff has to go back in the bag before you can leave for the next leg. Then they haul all your stuff to the end of the race. And you hope your sticker stays on the bag so you can find it later (remember that, too!).

The water was 73 degrees, so it was wet suit legal- that means it would be faster because the wet suit adds buoyancy, so you don't have to work as hard. We waited in the cold and saw the pros start. Then it was our turn! We dove into the water and I tried to keep clear of the other swimmers, but be aggressive when needed. My plan was to go moderately hard on the swim... I got my face kicked once and had to stop to put my goggles back on, but other than than, and having to readjust course a few times, I finished strong and loved my swim. Finished in 43 minutes. Out of the water, then run up a hill (why is it ALWAYS UP A HILL!!!!!??) and get the wet suit stripped off by a helper. Then run to the transition area, fling off swim stuff, put on bike stuff and sunscreen and then ran with the bike to the line where it's legal to jump on and then took off like crazy! My goal was to go as hard as I could for the whole bike race and then to survive the run. I was flying! I was set to do a 3 hour bike and then I went in to the last 10 miles. It was straight into the wind!! OMG. I ended up going 3 hrs 17 minutes. Oh yeah- and at one point I was riding along getting ready to pass a girl (I was on the left ) and another guy passed me on the left. I held my line so he could pass and then she noticed I was there just as he was passing me. She freaked out and squeaked something and then swerved left into me. I had nowhere to go because the guy on my left was still passing me. Then as I passed her, her hand hit me on my rear or upper thigh and then I felt her front wheel connect my back wheel and then I heard a bit of a commotion behind me. I didn't look back. The guy passing me dropped back. Later he caught up and said "she tried to take you out!". Turns out, she went down, but she was OK. I heard later that someone else had crashed and broken their arm.

I got into transition #2 with my bike, flung off my bike gear and then put on my run gear and headed out on the run. I was NOT looking forward to the run. For the first two miles, I had a stitch in my left side. That was awful. Then it went away and I was finally able to settle into a hot (about 87 degrees) miserable run with some big hills. I ended up walking up most of the hills. Then it got worse. I had to count. When I am counting steps- it's bad! When I am counting 100 run steps and 50 walk steps, it's really bad! I walked through the aid stations, drinking water and gator aid and trying to grab cold sponges, Every mile got slower. I finally finished the run, in the arena, chasing down a woman who had a "40" on her left calf- meaning she was in my age group. I beat her!!! I about collapsed into a volunteer's arms, got my chip taken off, and then looked for the beer. Oops! I forgot to get my medal! I walked back a few steps and got it. Then Jack was there to meet me. That was such a nice sight!! Then I got some food and some beer and went to sit with the kids. I stretched and ate. My run time was 2 hr 37 minutes- slower thank my last half-ironman, but faster than my first ever half marathon 4 yrs ago- I've come a long way!

After chilling out for a little while, I went to collect my bike. Then I gave my bike to Jack and he left and went home. I took the kids to collect my other bags. My after race clothes bag and my first transition bag with my wet suit in it were supposed to be together. Only one bag was there. Then someone pointed out that there was a bunch of loose stuff separated into piles. Sure enough- I found all my stuff, wet and grassy and gross and lying in neat piles. Even my wet suit. I'm surprised I recognized it- I think I'll write my name in it now! Apparently the sticker had come off (despite my making sure it was well stuck on).

I went and changed my clothes and then we went off to look for the car. Remember how I got there in the dark? We went to the parking lot I thought it was in (based on it being near a road). Carrying bags and the kids had some stuff. We walked all over the place and could not find it. Then on to the next parking lot. No car. Finally, I realize maybe it's the wrong road. So I pull out my phone and sure enough- the road I came in on was in a different place. We finally made it to the right lot and there was my car- right where I remembered it! And right next to all the bikes, We never even saw it when we were getting my bike. Oh well. The kids were super patient and didn't complain for 25 minutes in the heat carrying all that stuff. I told them Dairy Queen was next on the list!

Off we went. The phone found Dairy Queen, James got a large Blizzard, and Heather and I got something. James said later he was afraid to ask for a large (I usually only let them get a small), but he figured he'd try. I told him he could have had whatever he wanted! I was just so happy they were pleasant to be around.

Heather drove home and we had a great time listening to her iPod and me being semi-shocked by what the heck they listen to and the fact that they know all the words. There were a couple of songs where I literally understood maybe 1 word in 4. It was all in all a great afternoon with my kids.

I finished the race in 6 hr 49 minutes (14 minutes faster than the last one). The last one was pancake flat- this one had hills! I finished in the 48% ile of my age group and 42% ile over all of all the non-pro women. So I made both my goals! I was so thrilled. Then I had a week off and now I am training to run faster on my PT test in November. Then a half marathon in February and then my next Half-Ironman in June. In Hawaii!!!!!!!!

Glass half full. Or is it half empty???

2011-10-02T18:51:00.000-04:00

It was only a few years ago that I figured out which was which. You know, when someone says their glass is half full, that means they are an optimist. I think. Someone explained that a "half fuller" is optimistic because they believe that it's possible that if the glass is half full now, then there is the possibility that it could be all the way full eventually. Hence, they are optimistic. And a person is a pessimist if they think that their glass is half empty, because they are pretty sure that it will eventually be all the way empty. I never saw it that way and I think that's why I never understood that stupid saying. And I still never use it!

Here's why. I think of it the opposite. (What a surprise, right?) I think of my glass as having chocolate milk in it. Chocolate milk is the nectar of the gods. It is the best drink on earth. If all that existed was chocolate milk and beer, I'd be fine. What chocolate milk doesn't work with (pizza, crabs, steak), beer is awesome. And the other way around. Anyway, my glass is full of chocolate milk. I drink half of it. Now my glass is half empty. Awesome! I have drunk half my milk and I'm optimistic that I can drink the rest in another two seconds or so. Now life is great because I have drunk an entire glass of delicious chocolate milk. Say my glass is only half full. Well, I'm pretty optimistic that I could easily fill it the rest of the way. Or am I pessimistic because that's all that was left in the jug and half full is all I'm gonna get? Dang! Now you can see why I get confused.

Or maybe it's a matter of control. Half empty- I emptied it and I'm optimistic I can empty the rest. Half full- I'm pessimistic that anyone else will fill it for me. I just don't know. So I avoid it all together. I'm an optimistic and I'm just not sure what's going on with that glass.

Don't even get me started on the fact that bimonthly can mean two times a month or every other month. I don't even allow that word.

Superpowers

2011-09-30T23:26:00.002-04:00

I asked for some feedback today from a highly placed person that I respect a lot. I wanted to know what other people thought of me and if he had any feedback. His personality is a lot like mine- he is very out there and says what he thinks. But he has done pretty well for himself, so I figured I'd ask him how he made it work for him.

He told me that I have a very good reputation around that the Air Force and that I shouldn't change anything. He also said that I do a good job letting my personality out at the right times and holding back at others, as appropriate. And that's when I told him I treat it like my superpower. I made a reference to Charlie in Fire Starter, but he didn't know what I was talking about, I think. You know- the Steven King book. It was the first one I ever read. I was 9 and I couldn't believe that my parents let me read books with the F word in it! But I kept reading anyway, of course. Anyhow, Charlie was 8 and she was able to create fire spontaneously. But she was just a little kid and couldn't really control it. She would get angry and fire would fly and she would set people on fire by accident. As she got older, she learned to control it. Well, my superpower is Supercheerfulness and Superenergy. But it has to be controlled or it can set people on fire and get me in a lot of trouble! I let it out in controlled doses and with the right people. Seems to be working so far! And he liked the superpower analogy, even if he didn't seem to know who Charlie is. Oh yeah....what feedback did he give me? He said to make sure I have people who will tell me when I messed it up and stepped over the line. He said he had a few of those and it helped a lot over the years. And he volunteered to be one- awesome! So I got a new mentor in the deal- cool!

Smile, It can't be that bad!

2011-09-22T22:58:00.003-04:00

Really? Who says? Has anyone ever said this to you? I would bet that if you are a man, no one has. If you are a woman, you may have heard it several times in your life, or maybe even often. I have heard it occasionally and it has always irked me because it's just dumb. Of course it could be that bad! I've even had people say it to me in hospital elevators. HOSPITAL ELEVATORS!!!!!! In a HOSPITAL!!!!! Of course it could be that bad!! People are sick and die in hospitals!

The other night I read that this is a phrase said almost exclusively to women because they are supposed to be smiley and agreeable. So when someone said that to me a couple of days ago, I had had enough. I was washing a cup out at the common sink at work, and a guy walked in and said, "Smile! It can't be that bad." I said, "How do you know?" He told me it really couldn't. I repeated what I had said- how could he know? I had to say it one more time before he gave up. I decided that time not to let it go.

I would really like that phrase to just go away. And the next time some clueless jerk face says it to you, don't let him get away with it. Oh yeah- it's always men who say it. Never once has it been a woman.

Flying- written on 9-17-11

2011-09-18T21:35:00.000-04:00

I have been through airport security twice in the last week. I'm slightly concerned because I have accidentally....really... accidentally both times taken through a large tube of sunscreen, a small tube of sunscreen, and a small pepper spray. PEPPER SPRAY!!!! And I've done that before! Not on purpose... in fact, I didn't even think about last week's transgression until I realized I did it today. I did remember to take the knife out though. I guess that's something. This time I was a bit concerned because I realized it when I was still in line, before I got to the xray machine,. Then I saw that there was a guy in training, so I figured they'd be looking extra hard. Then they pulled my bag out for a special search- but not the right bag!!!! Good grief. Of course, if they were allowed to profile, maybe they never would be suspicious of me in the first place. Maybe they would. But who knows how many people are taking contraband on planes by accident. But how many are taking it on purpose to test the system? I'm almost afraid to wonder.

Hopefully I'll be flying safe today. If there's a problem, it won't be me!

Racism?

2011-09-14T13:52:00.001-04:00

Today we had elections for the Board of Directors for the American Academy of Family Physicians. There were 3 slots and 5 candidates. I'm very happy to say that the 2 women who were running won. Both were extremely well qualified and I'm glad they won. Of the men that were left, 2 were Caucasian and 1 was Filipino. The Filipino has a slight accent. He is very passionate and has some great ideas. The other 2 were fine candidates as well and we would have been well served by any of them. But when I talked with people about who they were thinking about voting for, I kept hearing over and over, "but if only he did't have the accent". And when they vote for a candidate, they picture him on TV and radio and also is the person qualified to run for president, because that is where the pool of presidential candidates comes from. I got the idea talking with people that they liked his ideas and his passion, but his accent and race were being held against him.

He did not get elected. I truly truly hope it's because people preferred the ideas and plans of the other candidate. But I worry that it wasn't and I think that says something about us.

Am I a Triathlete or do I Do Triathlons?

2011-09-13T10:30:00.000-04:00

So sometimes I get to talking to someone and it comes up that I swim or bike or run- whatever the topic is. And they ultimately say...are you a swimmer? Or a runner or a cyclist. And I usually say, "I do triathlons, so I swim, bike AND run." I was thinking this morning, "why do I say it like that?" If I ran all the time, I'd simply say I'm a runner. Heather is a swimmer. I have friends who are cyclists. Why can't I just say that I'm a triathlete?? I think it's because I don't really consider myself an athlete. Whenever someone asks me if I run, I tell them I do, but I'm really slow. Same thing with swimming. "Yeah, I swim, but I'm really slow." WHY DO I SAY IT LIKE THAT??!?!?!!??! If a friend of mine said that, I'd smack them in the head (probably figuratively!) and tell them to stop putting themselves down.

I am vowing right now to stop. It's probably self defeating. I train. I complete. I finish all my races middle of the pack. I recognize that I am average and I'll likely not make it to the top of the podium until I'm 80 and the I'm only one left on the podium. I'm usually not competing against the rest of the field for time and place....I'm competing against myself on some goal I have set. Sometimes it's a goal to beat a personal best on the run or bike. Sometimes it's to maintain a certain attitude. For example, in my last Sprint triathlon (a short one), my goal was to swim aggressively, go all out on the bike, and try not to fall apart on the run. And I met all of them! But rarely is it to beat a whole bunch of people. I usually finish about the 40%-ile on the swim and 50-60%-ile on the bike and run. So, apparently I'm not slow! I'm about average. So- I train and compete. And I finish average. I am not slow. I don't "do" triathlons.

I AM A TRIATHLETE.

Know When to Take a Rest

2011-09-13T10:00:00.000-04:00

This one was drafted in Spring 2011 and I just found it- I was training for my Ironman.

Yeah- that came from me. I know I am always doing a million things at a time. I like to have my cake and eat it too and I like to do it a 100 mph.

But this week, I'm tired. I'm tired every morning when I get up. Tired when I go to sleep. Tired during my workouts. After my 4th bad run in a row on Monday I realized that I had increased my bike mileage and my running mileage simultaneously and I was not getting enough sleep either. Saturday, my long run day, I had planned before bed for 11 miles, got up and decided the usual 10 would be fine. Upon wakening, running sounded utterly miserable. Bike did not sound appealing either. Somewhere around a miserable mile 3, I decided 8 would be even better. That was after I got up at 0445, put my eyes in, brushed my teeth, got half way dressed, got undressed and started back for the bed, then got re-dressed and left. I should have stayed in bed. All 8 miles were horrible. Rested on Sunday. Ran 8 miserable miles on Monday and realized I needed a rest. Did only 24 EASY miles on the bike Tues, ran a miserable 2.6 miles Wed, 20 more EASY miles on Thursday, and then I hit today.

I think I need to chill out and figure out when to rest.

Half Ironman

2011-05-20T21:50:00.000-04:00

I finally did it! I trained for four months. Missed only about 4 or 5 workouts over that entire time period. I was very dedicated. Mostly because I was scared to death that I would not succeed. But I not only succeeded, I excelled! I went about an hour faster than I thought I could.

A half Ironman is a 1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike, and 13.1 mile run. I started training back in January with a plan that was very strict and I spent about 8-12 hours per week training. Some weeks I felt really great and some weeks I exhausted and grouchy. I spent hours on the bike on the weekends and hours running on Mondays. Some days I would wear my compression tights to work. Some days I was so exhausted from a workout, I could barely make it up the steps to the office. But I faithfully kept at it, afraid that if I missed workouts, I would not finish my race.

I experimented with nutrition...did water or Accelerade work better on the bike. How often did I need to take gels on the run? A couple of times I forgot my nutrition and my run was terrible. One bike ride was in the cold rain (unexpectedly) and I discovered that after the arms are frozen, they don't notice the pelting rain. s the race got closer, I started doing bricks- a bike followed immediately by a run. I could not get my nutrition and hydration right and the long ones were usually on big exercise weeks and they never went well. So that had me really worried.

The good thing was that I was doing it with a friend. We commiserated on facebook about long workouts and whatnot. Then we met up in Orlando for the race. It was great having someone to share it with....she had never done one either, so we were in it together. She had done more triathlons than I had, and she had also worked the championship in Kona, Hawaii, so she was more familiar with the the whole big race scene.

Finally, the day came. I packed the night before- checking and rechecking my gear. I had been worried for 3 days about the weather because they were predicting thunderstorms, but the night before, they were supposed to be gone. They weren't. It was storming when we got up, and while waiting for the bus that never came. We ended up walking through the woods in the rain and then a huge strike hit nearby and my friend almost leapt into my arms. Turns out it started a small fire that smoldered all day and then actually caught fire later and the fire trucks had to be called. We went to the transition area and set up our stuff. Then
hung out for awhile before the swim start.

I did not go hard on the swim because I didn't know how tired I would be the rest of the day. I forgot to put on my sunscreen before the bike and felt my shoulders getting a bit sensitive later in the day. The bike was pretty easy and fun until mile 40 or so, and then I just had to hang on another hour. The run was three loops. On loop one, I was joined by a young 21 year old guy who seemed to want to run with me. Turns out he was on his second lap and had walked most of the first lap because he drank too much and got nauseated. We ran together for about 8 miles and then on his mile 11, he had to stop and walk and I left him. When I checked later, I had beat him on the swim and the run, but he beat me on the bike enough to beat me overall.

I thought the whole thing would take me about 8 hours, if I was even able to finish not in complete misery. My stretch goal was 7.5 hours. My actual time.......7:03! If I had known I was that close to going under 7 hours I would have. But I took the swim easy. The bike was hard, but it was doable. And then the run was not nearly as miserable as I thought it would be. I was a little under midway in my age group (67%). Only 15% of the women who beat me were older than me! I thought that was pretty cool.

Anyway, it was great! I loved most of the whole day and I can't wait to do another one. I'm already planning for the next one at the end of October in Austin, TX. I have not worked out in 4 days and my muscles are stiff and sore. I'll get back to it tomorrow and I'll feel much better. My next triathlon is 25 June- I inspired some friends to do their first. We'll be doing some training together and I'll help them out. I gave them all training plans about 6 weeks ago and some have been doing better jobs than others at training.

I'm hooked!!!

Ask Vs Tell

2011-03-29T21:10:00.000-04:00

We had an incident today at work that was very unusual, could have been serious and doesn't really have a textbook answer, although some answers are way more right than others. When the folks came to tell me about it, I listened and then asked then what their plan was. It was a good plan, I told them I agreed, and then added a couple of instructions and asked them to let me know when it was resolved.

That's just the way I usually do things. I like to ask questions, let my people think things through, and then either add my own thoughts to complete it or (if I am fresh out of my own ideas!) brain storm together to make sure we have a complete and solid plan. Could be because that's how I learned medicine and how we teach medicine- let people come up with their own ideas and they remember it next time.

Versus the way another leader I know does it. He just tells people what to do. And now I think that many of his followers have become dependent on waiting for him to give instructions. And he is so picky and thorough that whatever product he gets is never good enough. So there's hardly any point in spending forever on something because it won't be good enough anyway.

Anyway, I wish I had a witty ending to this one, but I don't. I just like my way better and I think people appreciate it.

My Favorite Season

2011-03-26T20:49:00.000-04:00

I love Spring!!!!
It's my favorite season because it signals newness and beginnings. I think summer is great because it's warm, fall is pretty, but I know things are coming to an end, and winter is just yuck unless there is snow. But Spring is new. Everything is so green and pretty. The flowers are blooming, trees are popping, grass is returning. The smells are amazing.
I love sunrise because it's the start of a new day and I love Spring because it's the start of the new year.

Pretty!

2011-03-15T23:11:00.002-04:00

I never liked that other design, but I wasn't sure what to do about it. Took about an hour, but now I feel like the blog design actually reflects my personality!

Drifters vs Sifters

2011-03-15T21:53:00.000-04:00

Wow! Has it really been 6 weeks since I posted? This one has been brewing for a couple of weeks.

I was in Florida visiting the parents after the Disney Princess Half Marathon and I went to the beach with my mom. We did a quick walk about 3 miles down the beach and I found a few few teeth accidentally- I can't help it! Once you get the tooth eye, you can't miss them! And you can't stop looking. Even when I was trying to enjoy the Gulf, I still kept checking out the ground to make sure there were no teeth waiting to be picked up. Right where we walked onto the beach from the parking lot there, were tons of people. But about 10 minutes down the beach, there were few people. Hmmmm.......

On the way back, we stopped a lot to look down for teeth. I kept my eyes more focused on the ground most of the time as well. Every now and then there was a promising pile of stuff and I'd stop and bend down and look seriously and find 1 to 3 teeth. We spent about an hour walking down and about 2 hrs walking back. That's 6-7 miles of exercise!

Then I started watching the other people on the beach. There were a few walkers and a few fisherman. There were lots of people who had these poles with baskets attached and they were out in the water scooping up stuff and sifting through it. Not sure how many teeth they find that way, but it looks really boring!

So I got to thinking- some tooth hunters are sifters and some tooth hunters are drifters. I wonder if the way they look for teeth translates into the way they live their lives? There is no possible way I could stand in one spot for hours sifting through stuff to find teeth. But apparently I can walk for hours and do the same thing. I like the adventure and the thrill of finding out what is around the next corner. I like getting away from the crowds near the stairs and finding the less traveled beach. I can't tell you how many times I have run or biked too far because I wanted to see what was around the next corner! I'm a drifter.

Then there are the sifters. They spend their lives in one spot, not daring to challenge themselves and try something new. Content to stay in one spot, they get to know that area very well. They never think to leave. They are comfortable. They don't get bored. In fact, the thought of walking 7 miles for 38 teeth probably really turns them off. I wonder if they find more in the one spot? Or if they care? Or if they get tired of the scenery? I wonder if they want to leave and go somewhere else but are nervous about the change. They are the solid rocks of a community. They have been there their whole lives and are the experts on their corner of the world. We really need them. But I can't be one of them.

I'm a drifter.

Figured it Out

2011-01-30T11:43:00.000-05:00

With a lot of soul searching and talking to people who know me this week, I have figured out a bit of what was wrong. I still feel yucky and still feel like my job is sort of meaningless. But at least I think I have figured out why.

First- I mentioned in my last post that I have been working on my boss's projects and not mine. I have not had the time to do the things that I have wanted at work, such as the Family Health Initiative which is the Air Force's Medical Home project. I've also been wanting to do some stuff with peer review. At the Military Health Conference last week week I was able to learn a lot about FHI and have plans to go home and implement. So now I have a project and plan to start seeing clinic again. I think that will help tremendously.

The other thing that I realized is that I get a bit depressed every winter. I discovered this with the help of a friend a few years ago and discovered the St Johns Wort does the trick. I usually remember some time in December when I get to feeling exactly like I have been feeling this week- useless at work, hopeless about the future, and feeling like I'm not doing a very good job at home either, not to mention complete laziness at home. This year, maybe I was just too busy to notice how bad I felt and plus I was getting a few hours of sunlight on Saturdays when I ride my bike. So, now here it is late January, and I'm finally figuring it out. One year I did really well when I put it on my calendar to start taking my meds in November.

So now I have a plan and feel much better. Start my project and start my meds. Yay!

Meaningless

2011-01-25T21:32:00.000-05:00

This started as a letter to a friend, and I'm reposting it here. I suppose it's times when I write stuff like this that I'm glad this is a relatively anonymous blog. Regular people can find it if they search, but only my friends and family know who I am.

I had a bit of a meltdown yesterday. Not sure what triggered it. I was sitting in a meeting room at this conference. I can't even remember what the heck they were talking about. But I started to realize that for the first time ever, I hate my job. I feel like I go to work every day and do nothing meaningful. I feel like all I do is push paper from one side of my desk to the other. I don't feel like the things I do in medicine right now are really necessary, although I suppose some of it must be done. But it doesn't have to be done by me. Any average doc could do it. I have always felt like what I was doing was unique. That yes, there are people out there doing the same thing (seeing pts, commanding, advising, etc), but that no one was doing it quite like me and that I was truly making my mark and having an impact on people's lives. I've always strived to be unique, in a good way- not a weird way. That I was somehow special and that God put me here to do unique work. Every assignment i spend my days looking for my purpose. Why was I personally sent there instead of someone else. What is it that I uniquely have to offer. I just don't have the feeling with my current work that what I do is unique or special. Anyone could sign the papers and do the clearances, and edit the policies that someone else is writing. The stuff that I care about is not getting done because I am spending so much time pushing paper and making my boss's priorities my own. I know I am helping him feel better about his own work and I know he is happy to have me here, but that's not enough. I feel like I'm not helping my docs reach their potential, I haven't had time to see pts, and although people say my presence matters, that just doesn't seem to be enough. I'm not PRODUCING.

I've met with the clinic chief and will start going to clinic next week. It doesn't matter if I don't have time. Time needs to be made.

I'm really worried about the rest of my military career. If this is what's in store for me for the next 3 or 6 or 9 years, I want no part of it. Now I know why people get burned out and leave executive medicine in the Air Force. This stinks.

Sitting on Ice!

2011-01-23T16:35:00.000-05:00

There are times when being driven is good and times when it can hurt. Today was one of those days! I recently read in a swimming magazine the difference between a sprinter and a distance swimmer. Sprinters want to have fun and they only want to do the minimal work necessary to get the job done. Distance swimmers (or any sport, I think), love practice for the sake of practice. They will do whatever work-out is put before them, feel longer is better, and will push through the pain to finish the work-out. I am not a sprinter. I'm a distance athlete and I enjoy practice just for the sake of practice. Today I had to remind myself that the means are a means to an end, and in the end, I won't miss 1.5 miles one Sunday.

I was out for a 9 mile run on a gorgeous, albeit freezing, day in DC. On a pretty trail next to the Potomac River on which the hotel staff swear I won;t likely be murdered. Anyway, 3rd grade math tells you that's 4.5 out and 4.5 back. Well. at about 2.75 miles, I tripped and REALLY hurt my right hamstring. It hurt a lot! I've had kind of a chronic hamstring thing going on for a couple of yrs and it was getting better over the last couple of months. So what did I do after I got hurt? I kept going of course. Because the specified distance was 4.5 before I could turn around. And usually pains get better while I run. If I stopped everyting something hurt, I'd never get anywhere. For instance, at the beginning of this run, I jumped off a low wall onto the trail and my foot hurt. I was seriously considering for about a half mile whether I should stop, but it got better. See? It usually works. Well, after I fell, I kept going for about another mile, and then started thinking about my ultimate goal. The goal is a Half Ironman in May. If I rip my hamstring and spend weeks off of running and biking, my race will be in jeopardy. If I turn around, I miss 1.5 miles of my workout, but will I notice 3 months from now? I decided caution was in order. I hated it because it feels like giving up. But in reality, it's smart training, So I turned around. Stopped near the hotel for a sandwich and discovered a pizza sandwich- oh my, it was yummy!! And I ate it while sitting on an ice pack. I have tomorrow off, then a swim on Tuesday. Then a bike and run on Wednesday. I'll ice the heck out of it between now and then. the good news it that it was actually feeling better by the time I got home. See?!

The Difference Between Chinese Mothers and Western Mothers

2011-01-15T17:21:00.000-05:00

This is a brilliant article by a Yale professor about the difference in parenting styles of Western mothers and Chinese mothers. She outlines three fundamental differences such as the fact that Western mothers are so concerned about their child's self esteem, while Chinese mothers know that self esteem comes from accomplishment and drive their children to perfection.
Read it- you will like it!

Hope

2011-01-09T19:45:00.000-05:00

Awesome church service today about hope. It really spoke to me because I tend to be optimistic and hopeful and it takes a lot to crush my hope. But I don't do disappointment well. When I get my hopes up and then they get dashed, I get really bummed out and then sad. I get over it relatively quickly, but I hate it. I always hope that things will get better. I end every hard day hoping that tomorrow will be better. If I mess up, I make a plan to learn from my mistakes and then hope that I do better next time.

The preacher gave an example of an experiment done with rats where one rat was dropped into a vat of water in the complete dark to see how long it would swim. It lasted 3 minutes. Then they did the same thing with another rat, but this time, they let a crack of light into the room that the rat could see. Guess how long it lasted. 36...............................
HOURS!!!!!!!!
That is amazing to me. One little ray of light gave that rat the hope to keep swimming until he was exhausted. Or maybe the first rat was just a crappy swimmer. But I doubt it. I really believe in the power of hope.

Hopelessness is the worst prognostic factor for someone who is depressed. Once they get to the point where they have no hope, they are in grave danger of committing suicide. Why would someone continue life if they thought there was no way it would ever get better? I can't even imagine being that low, but I can imagine what I would do if I were.

Romans 15:13 (New International Version, ©2010)

¹³ May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

wonderful Holidays!

2010-12-27T19:37:00.000-05:00

I know I have been a lazy turd lately and not updating the way I should. I have been super busy and there's no excuse except that I have not had much time to actually think. And when I don;t think, I don;t blog!
I have spent the last 4 days doing nothing but laying around. We drove down to the parents' house on Friday and then spent Saturday opening gifts and playing with our new toys. My brother is here as well and we are just enjoying doing absolutely nothing. Sometimes I feel like I ought to be doing something, but then I remember that I do something all the time. Well, I am determined to remember how to relax. It is so wonderful to just hang out, watch movies, talk and be together. I'll have a few days at home when we get there to do more of the same. Will have to take down the Christmas decorations and put the house back together, but that will be OK.

We are also enjoying eating all our favorites- toll house cookies, pumpkin pie, mince meat pie, pecan pie, brownies, fudge, ham, sweet potatoes, dressing and all kinds of yummy stuff!!!! I've also been keeping up with my training so hopefully the pounds will not pack on too badly. The nutrition portion will have to have to wait until January!

Thanksgiving

2010-11-28T20:50:00.000-05:00

Wow! i can;t believe it's been a month since I posted. A lot has happened in the last month. I can't bore you to death with the details of the tour of the correctional facility and the fire department, except that I got to climb the hook and ladder- that was way cool! The firefighter following me up was huffing and puffing- I thought I might have to catch HIM! Work has been crazy busy. I seem to be almost caught up at work- we'll see how much farther I can get this week.
I have my PT test on Tuesday. My first haircut in 9 months is tomorrow as well. I got it cut pretty short before I deployed and it has taken this long to get back to a normal length. Plus, I just haven't had time to get to it!
Thanksgiving was a welcome break from the hecticness of life lately. On Friday before the holiday, my parents arrived from FL. We had gotten a futon the was special extra long so normal people can fit on it, but apparently, I didn;t think about the crease in the middle. If made my dad crazy and he couldn't sleep on it. So they moved upstairs to the game room on the air mattress. Saturday I had a jewelry party. I had gone to a jewelry party a couple of weeks ago and I agreed to do a party so my hostess could get some extra free jewelry and so I could get a lot of free stuff! I ended up being able to get about $700 worth of free stuff- awesome. Our school had their state championship game that day and we won, so that was pretty awesome. Sunday was a day of relaxation. I had to go to work Monday and Tuesday, but I took the afternoon off on Wednesday. It felt weird! Like I was playing hooky! Even though I put in 7 hours by 1:30! We spent the afternoon cooking in preparation for Thanksgiving. Jack's family arrived on Tuesday and that was the day my parents went to their hotel. Jack's dad and his wife stayed at the hotel, as did his sister and her husband. Their three kids stayed at our house, along with Jack's mom and her husband, During the day, we all hung at the house, in the evenings the others went to their hotel. The kids had a great time hanging together.
Thanksgiving was absolutely wonderful. The cooking was low stress. The food turned out wonderful! I made the best mashed potatoes I have ever had in my whole life!!!! I hope I can recreate them again some day. We ate at about 230 and then laid around the rest of the day. Oh yeah! I had a great bike ride Thanksgiving morning after I got the turkey in the oven. I was so full after eating our meal mid-afternoon that all I wanted for dinner was pie! Yum!!!
We got up at 0300 on Black Friday and went to Kohls for shopping bargains. I've done that once in my life and planned to never do it again. not sure what got into me, but I did it again and it was great! It was me, and Heather, and Jordan and Jason (niece and nephew) and I got clothes that fit! Mostly. I still have to take several pairs of pants to have the waist taken in and have them hemmed, as usual. But they mostly fit.
Everyone left on Friday and Saturday. Saturday night the Mullises got here and we had a great evening with them eating thanksgiving leftovers and had smores for dessert. Plus wine and cigars. Got up today (Sunday), went to church, looked at a couple of new cars on the way home (but the dealorships were closed) and then top the commissary to pick up a few things. Made my salad for the week, chopped some fruit, and then hung up some artwork we bought on the cruise last year. Lost my energy before I could decorate the tree!
it was great to have several days off and to have the whole family here. It was great to be home from the desert and it was great to have Theresa home from the desert as well. there's nothing like being gone for 6 months to make someone appreciate being home with the family.
Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays and weeks like this remind me why. I love my family and I love my life.

Weekend with Mom!

2010-10-24T21:42:00.000-04:00

Had a great weekend with my mom. As I was laying in bed yesterday morning, I realized that this was the first weekend that I have been home since I got back from the dessert! The first one was spent on a mini TDY. The second was on a real TDY to Denver. Next was the bike ride and then last weekend was the triathlon. And when I was home during the week on my R&R I let Jack sleep in and got up with the kids. So yesterday was my first sleep in in 5 weeks! It was great!
My mom was in Maryland for three weeks helping out her aunt after she got sick. She stopped in here on her way back to FL. Yesterday she helped me lay out a couple of flower gardens and look for plants to fill them. I wrote down tons of ideas and will go buy them next weekend and then plant them. Today, we spent several hours buying curtains. It took 3 different stores and there's one I still need to make a decision on and go back and get, but the downstairs is mostly done. Or it will be after I buy the rods and Jack puts them up and then I actually hang the curtains on them! Which will not happen until the gardens are done.
Oh well.... work is good for the soul.

Thanks, mom!!!!!!

Century Ride- 100 miles in the saddle!

2010-10-17T08:36:00.000-04:00

So as I was writing about the triathlon, I realized I never told you the story of the 100 mile bike ride last week.

I was going to go by myself, but jack decided to come up with me, so we left the kids home under the supervision of our neighbor. We drove up together and he dropped me off in Salisbury and then he kept going on up to Ed's house where he was going to spend some time while I did my thing. I had gotten a hotel for 2 nights and was prepared to stay by myself, but I managed to get a friend and her friend to sign up with me. But at the last minute, the friend cancelled because she could not get back from Hawaii in time and at a reasonable cost. So it was me and the lady I never met. Her name is Jamie and she's a Navy nurse and it turns out we got along great! The longest ride she had ever done as 34 miles and she was planning on doing 100. On a new bike she had ridden once.. It was a hybrid, not even a road bike built for distance.

We went to the expo Friday night and I bought some bike stuff- some I needed and some I didn't! Of course. Jamie did the same thing.

Then the morning of the race came. We were up bright and early and ate a nice big breakfast. Then we were off. We started at a bout 0745. She is a slower rider and I tried to stay with her, but she told me repeatedly to go on if I needed to. Well, eventually I needed to because my butt was killing me! Turns out, that when you ride too slow, the feet don't put enough pressure on the peddles and the butt and arms take all the force. I had to go and when I did, I felt much better. There were rest stops about every 20-25 miles and I waited for her at the first one. She got in about 25 minutes after I did. After that, we agreed to just ride separate. Good thing, too! The half way point was Assateague Island and that's where she decided she was done. It was actually about 66 miles and she took the sag wagon (sometimes known as the loser cruiser!) back to the campus. Oh yeah- the race started from and was hosted by Salisbury University- my alma mater. I have not been back since I graduated in 1990- wow, it has changed! More buildings and dorms. Amazing. Anyway, she had given me the truck key, assuming I would finish before her, so she had to wait for me to get there. The good new is that I was way ahead of her and it only took me an hour to get back after she arrived.

The ride was absolutely beautiful- we traveled on these back roads through small towns, woods, and fields. Just gorgeous scenery. I started to get a bit tired at about mile 70, but the good news is that I didn't feel any worse at mile 100 than I did at mile 70. And I wasn't sore at all. Even the next day! This was my first century ride and it was great. I'm looking forward to doing another one. Next year, I want to do the RAGBRAI- it's about 450 miles across Iowa and you do it in one week. the Air Force has a team every year of over 100 people and I can get permissive TDY to do it (instead of taking leave, they let me go, but on my own dime.) We get an Air Force cycling uniform and it's a recruiting mission-we talk to people and hand out stuff. That would be a blast! To ride a bike for a week and talk about the Air Force- who could have a better job?!?!?!?

I met several people on the Salisbury ride. It was a great atmosphere. We'd ride and talk and whatnot. At Assateague, we saw some wild ponies- 2 adults and a baby. I got pics. We stopped for about 30 minutes there and I walked around in the ocean, sat on the sand, ate some food, and then we took off again. The next pit stop had pie and ice cream for snacks- yum! I burned about 5000 calories that day, so I was not concerned with what I ate!

We came home and went out for crabs- YUM! I ate about 14 or so and drank a few beers, then crashed in bed. Got up the next day and Jack picked me up and we headed off to Rachel's house. Stayed with her on Sunday and then headed home Monday morning. It was a wonderful weekend.

So far since I got back, I have been busy every weekend and all week. Mom is coming next week and we may go to the fair, but other than that, we are staying home!

triathlon!

2010-10-16T18:32:00.000-04:00

Did my first triathlon in about 18 months today. it was awesome! I signed up for it months ago while I was still in Afghanistan. Despite the fact that I prefer the longer distances, I prudently signed up for the shorter one since I knew it i'd only be back about 3-4 weeks when I did it. I wasn't concerned at all about the run or the bike- it the swim I was worried about- they did not have a pool in Afghanistan. This was my first open water swim in competition. i only had 2 goals today- do well on the swim and go hard the whole way. My stretch goal was to place, but I knew that was a long shot.

The triathlon was at Hickory Knob State Park in western SC. I've never been in this part of the state before- it's pretty hilly- that will be a factor later! I left after work and drove here by myself . jack and the kids came later since they went to the football game. I nearly ran over 2 deer and saw several on the side of the road. i checked in and got to the room. Got all my stuff ready and set the alarm for 0630 (for an 0700 packet pick up time). Miraculously, i was able to fall asleep and did not wake up until 0200 when Jack and the kids arrived. Heather's boyfriend, Mike, is also staying with us for the weekend. He gets a mattress on the floor- on James' side of the bed! We got hem all settled in and then I was out like a light again. I woke up at 0600 and was all antsy and couldn't get back to sleep. So I got up and got my stuff together and went and picked up my number and then picked up my timing chip and got my number and age written on my arms and legs. Then I went to the room and got all my gear and got it set up in the transition area. You set up the bike and all the bike and run gear. I then went to breakfast and ate a big one! Finished about an hour before the race was due to start. I saw a guy sitting by himself and asked if I could sit with him. Glad i did because we hada great conversation for about an hour. Then I went to get my wetsuit on.

We made our way down to the lake. First, the International distance took off- that one was twice as long as mine. Next, the Sprint folks made our way down and jumped in. The water was about 76 degrees- not nearly as cold as I thought it would feel. I waited my turn and then off we went! The swim was only 500 yards, but it felt a lot further. I ended up in the back of the swim back, as usual, but by the end, I think I was about 3/4 back- not bad for only swimming the last 3 weeks! If you have never swum with 50 people all vying to be in the front, you cannot imagine what it is like. I have heard of people freaking out and hyperventilating and my goal was to stay calm and swim smooth. Arms are flying, feet are kicking. I got kicked in the head a few times, but no big deal. I didn't like it went a couple of women wrapped their arm around my neck and didn't seem to get it off fast enough, but I later did the same thing to someone else. The other difficult thing is staying straight. I swim pretty straight, but I'd lift my head every 5-7th left sided stroke and take a quick check of the marker to make sure I was still headed towards it. by the time I got there, I was starting to pass some people. I passed more and more by the time I got to the end and then got heaved out of the water. I had to go up a huge steep hill to get to the transition area- I speed walked it. There was to be no running up that hill for me! The swim was 500 yards and I think it might have taken me about 20 minutes.

Once I got to the transition area, I stripped off my wetsuit and dried off a bit, threw on my bike shoes and socks, helmet, gloves, and jersey and took off! i could hardly breathe, but I settled into a nice rhythm. I got passed by a few women on the uphills, but no one, not even the men, passed me on the downhills! I got up to 33mph at one point. I noticed that a lot of people would coast down the hills, but not me! I down shift and lay on the peddles and go down as fast as possible. the only good thing about uphills is the down on the other side. There was one really bad one where some people were getting off and walking- there was no way I was walking. I ended up in one of my easiest gears doing about 5mph, but I never stopped! I was hoping to maintain 20 mph, but with the hills, it ended up being 15mph over the 10 mile bike course. I can live with that!

After the bike, you jump off BEFORE the line (you get disqualified if you go just one inch past the line while still on it), then ran the bike up the hill back to my spot in the transition area and stripped off my bike shoes and helmet and gloves and jersey, threw on my running cap and shoes and took off! I ran in my bike shorts and sports bra. My first mile was amazing! I felt great! I think the way to do well on my PT test will be to ride 10 miles and then jump off and run! My goal was 10 min miles over the 3.2 mile course, and I averaged just under that. I was so excited! Especially given the horrible hills. I about fell over at the end, but it was great.

The family was actually at the end of the bike and the run to see me. It's the first time they have ever seen me race. My finish time was 1:31.47- about 10 min slower than I was hoping for, but that is accounted for by the hills on the bike. It was so much fun racing again and talking to people and just the whole festive atmosphere. they pulled pork bbq sandwiches, baked beans and brownies after the event- yum. I only ate a little and was full, but after my shower, I was hungry again, so I ate some more.

All in all, it was a great day! So happy I did it!

Oh and break though on my compulsiveness- publishing this without proofreading! Hope it's OK!!!!!!!

Seagull Century This Weekend!

2010-10-07T22:26:00.000-04:00

So this weekend is my first 100 mile bike ride. Jack and I are leaving tomorrow and driving up to MD. He will drop me off in Salisbury and then I will stay with some friends from Friday until Sunday. After that, checking out to go to my Rachel's house. Heading back home on Monday. I hope I can still walk Saturday night!

I have been looking forward to doing a ride this long for quite awhile. Jack sees no point in it. But I do! What a challenge! Driving 100 miles is boring as heck, but I'm hoping that riding will be fun. The furthest I have ridden in the past is 54 miles, so I hope this goes well!

Bagram Fat Camp

2010-09-28T18:35:00.000-04:00

OK- before I came home, I had not told anyone at home that I have been dieting. Over the last 5 months, I have lost about 18 pounds. It has been incredibly difficult. I have eaten less and exercised more than I ever thought I could. For years, I had thought I “couldn’t “ lose weight. Because I had tried- believe me- I had tried! But I didn’t try as hard as I had while deployed. And I’m not sure I could have done it at home because I could not have exercised as much as I did while deployed.

It all started in May when I went to the dietician and asked for help. She had worked one on one with some other folks and they had done really well. I had already been used to logging my calories and exercise for years- sometimes seriously and sometimes off and on. Mostly reactively- I’d log calories and then reflect that I had gone over my goal and move on. Not really planning my day. So I met with her and she came up with guidelines- this many starches, this much protein, etc. I took that and came up with rules- 2 cups of veggies and 3-4 oz of lean protein for lunch, for example. Using those guidelines, I could go to the dining hall and choose what I was in the mood for.

The other thing she did was make me put my scale away. I am used to weighing in at least once a day. My morning weight doesn’t determine my mood for the day, but I want to know what it is. I’ll often weigh in after a workout to see how much I sweated. Then weigh in before bed to see how much I gained during the day. When we talked about putting the scale away, it was really scary to me! I cried. I would not have predicted that I would react that way, but I did. I was all stressed out at the thought that a whole week could go by and I would not know how I was doing. I was worried that my weight could get away from me in just a week of not monitoring it. That was terrifying. I think I realized at that point that I had a problem.

The next thing I learned was how I think about food. I think about food all day long. From the time I wake up, I am thinking about what I will eat for breakfast. Then I am planning my lunch and dinner throughout the day. I was taught to not throw food away, so it was a new concept for me to go through the chow hall line and say I only wanted a small amount, they give me whatever I want and then I have to throw some out because they gave me way too much. Just knowing they gave me too much and not wanting to waste it was stressful. But I eventually learned to just eat the parts that were really good and stop when I was full. And don't think about all those starving Afghans or the cost of wasted food when I throw the extra away.

My other big weakness is sweet snacks. I love chocolate and all kinds of candy! And I like it every day. I can’t imagine how people say they never eat sweets. Or they are giving up sweets. I think I’m addicted. And I don't say that lightly. I think about it all the time. I think of ways to get it. I get stressed if I can’t have it. If I don't get it when I want it, I keep thinking about it. If they found out that chocolate causes cancer, I’d be in huge trouble! So I had to learn how to cut back on those, just eat smaller amounts, eat them slowly, and love every bite. I had done that in the past, so I knew it was doable.

Exercise- wow! I exercised at least 90 minutes per day. When logged my calories, turns out I averaged 1150 calories per workout. That’s a lot!! I did 6 workouts per week. I did take one day off! And when I start something and get serious about it, I get a bit obsessive. I logged every calorie I took in and every one I burned off. At the end of the week, I printed out my log and analyzed where I could have done better and tried to do better the next week. I learned what to avoid, what things I can’t have or have to instantly get rid of half of it when they put it on my plate, and what I can have tons of. What satisfies and what doesn’t. And what size meals work for me. I have discovered that a huge breakfast of 600 calories or so holds me well until lunch.

This journey has not been easy. I have hit plateaus that stress me out. I think there are days when I have over exercised. I know that I cannot exercise this much when now that I am home. I think I can maintain the lower calories for a couple of more weeks until I get to my ultimate goal (after a couple of weeks of enjoying American food again, of course!). I’m looking forward to getting back to maintenance calories.

Anyway- that’s been my journey and project over the last 3-4 months. I was surprised at what an emotional issue this was for me. I didn’t post this until I got home and talked to Jack about it. I can't wait to go clothes shopping!

Coming Home! Written 12 Sept

2010-09-28T17:51:00.000-04:00

Oh my goodness. What a journey this has been so far. I hate traveling with the military cattle call! I had a report time on 11 Sept of 1500. I had no idea what time that meant we would really be leaving. I started my day with a 9.11K Patriot’s Run. Turns out he 9.11K was just symbolic because the run was actually 6.4 miles, which is a bit over 10K! I did not budget my energy for that far, but it turned out OK. My pace was 10:22 per minute, which is slower than my 10K pace of 10:00 2 yrs ago, but faster than I was 2 months ago. But I was hurting at the end. I was still a bit sore from the dog wrestling, too. After my race, I laid down for about an hour, but was unable to sleep, although I was exhausted. Two nights before I had only gotten about 4 hours of sleep. Not sure why I woke at 0230, but once I got a knock at the door at 0300 to sign some emergency leave papers, I was definitely not able to go back to sleep and I ended up getting up at 0330 and doing laundry. I got started on a bunch of other stuff I had to do and was able to get all my stuff done that day. I lay down at 8:45 PM to sleep and was just going into a deep sleep when the air raid sirens went off. It was a rocket attack. I finally went to bed at 11:30 PM form that and then was in a nice deep sleep at 0330 when we got another attack. The enemy was celebrating the end of Ramadan and Sept 11^th in style! So I was up permanently from that- it was time to go to the race by the time they called all clear. So I ran 6.4 miles tired and sore. Came back, laid down for an hour, got up and cleaned my room and finished packing and showered. About when I was getting ready to go in to work and finish a few last things, the air raid siren went off again! We had not had a daylight attack in the 6 months I was there- not even in March and April when they were attacking every week. So I hunkered down waited a while and then went in to work. I had lunch with a few friends and then went around and said my good byes. I packed up the truck and a friend drove me to the terminal at 1500 (3pm).

Once I got there, the fun started. I was actually concerned that my flight would not get out at all. Between mechanical problems and rocket fire, I was thinking it may not happen. I arrived at the appointed time of 1500 and then had an hour wait after check in and before we could go through customs. Then was the hour wait out in the customs yard while they finished about 150 Army personnel before they started the Air Force. Customs is an interesting affair. First you load all your junk on a table. Then you empty your pockets into your hat and get a body scan in those scanners that show everything. But the females did not have to get that since it was males doing the looking. I just got wanded. I happened to make a comment about when was the body cavity search and instantly about 3 guys volunteered to do mine…yikes! After the scan, you go to a table where you have to empty all of your bags onto a table and a customs agent (some poor Air Force sap who thought they were going to a good job but got stuck with customs instead) goes through all your stuff. Everything! Only my guy was not very thorough. He didn’t even want to see my authorization letter for my switchblade. He didn’t open any containers or anything. I watched a few others later and they were opening everything and patting down clothing. I got off easy! After the customs search, they put us in lock down – the plan was it would be about 7 hours, but military flights aren’t like civilian flights. In the Air Force world, the flight time is a guestimate. They make you show up way early and then they just get things moving as the manning and air traffic permit. We were supposed to take off at 1130pm. I lay down for about 90 minutes and tried to nap, but that didn’t really work very well. Once they lock you down, you cannot leave. Dinner was a cup of Total Raisin Bran with some cranberry applesauce I pilfered out of an MRE. Later I had an MRE cracker with MRE peanut butter. After resting, I got up and walked around outside a bit. After that got boring, I came in and watched the customs stuff going on from above on the steps that go to the second floor. I could also see the baggage scanner and talk to the guy who was running it- that was pretty neat. Next thing, I know, they are calling us to go load up the plane! It was about 2 hrs early- wooohooo!

So we grab out stuff and head to the plane. I came in on a C-130 cargo plane, which is loud and a rough ride. The only seating is the web seating along the walls. The toilet was a pull down affair with a curtain that went partly around it, but I had to go, so I used it. I did not care! The flight home was on a C-17- this is a huge cargo plane that has over 100 seats. I was one of the last to get on, but it turned out fine. I got an aisle seat. I remembered from getting here that the ride was short before because I was watching a movie on my iPod and did not get all the way through it. Some guy was trying to tell me it was a 4 hour flight. I was hoping he was wrong. We got on the plane and sat for about an hour while they loaded the cargo on the pallets behind us. Then they closed up the back and we sat for another 30 minutes or so. Once they said we were taking off, I mentioned to the guy next to me that I we had passed the first hurdle- breaking down- and now all we had to do was get airborne without getting shot down. He is Army and it’s apparent that he had not really thought about that possibility! We took off uneventfully for what turned out to be a 2 hour flight. Let me describe the seating. If all there was was me and my airline pillow- no problem. But there is me…with my giant flak vest on…with my helmet strapped to the front. With my carry on (a soft briefcase with a strap) slung across my chest. With my gigantic military backpack with a pillow strapped to one side and a blanket to the other side. Picture ALL THAT crammed into an airline seat! I actually was able to put the backpack in the seat next to me, but the flack vest, helmet, and briefcase are all on me. I could barely move a muscle or adjust my posture for 3 hours on that plane. Closer to 4 by the time we landed, taxied, waited for cargo to be unloaded and then we able to get up. My butt was killing me. That was the easy part.

Next, we file onto busses. This is 0130 by now and I have had about 8 hours sleep in the last 70 hours. From the busses, we go into a building where they collect out IDs. We have a seat and bored briefers fly through welcoming and information slides. Then they tell us about 4 different times and locations and processes we have to be at, but nothing is written down and sometimes they don’t give the whole story. Then the Army leaves and the AF has to stay for another briefing. Finally, we get out at about 0230. I am told I had to go find my checked bags, put my personal bag on a shelf, but make sure everything I needed for the next 72 hours was out of it because I would not be able to get back into it until it was time to leave. Well, as sleep deprived as I was, I remembered to get the DVD player and some movies out, but I forgot my sweatshirt. Plus, I was sweating from lugging my crap all over the place and did not realize it was cold here in Kyrgyzstan. Then I had to drop my chem bag in some wet box and was told I’d see it again later to turn it in. I had to check into lodging and get my room, then get linens, then get my ID back at 0400, then go check my outbound flight starting at 0800, then at 0900 go turn in my vest and helmet and chem gear. Turns out the ID cards were ready early, so I picked that up at about 0330. I went to lodging and got my room without problem. Then went to get linens. They gave me an Army blanket and a plastic pillow. Apparently, they were out of everything else. I asked for an extra blanket and the lady objected, but after I said fine, I brought my own, she gave me another one. So picture this- I have a flak vest on, helmet strapped to chest- that’s 40 pounds right there. My briefcase is probably 8 or 10 pounds slung across my chest. My packpack is at least 20 pounds and is on my back. I am carrying an armload of blankets and a pillow and looking for my dorm in the dark at 0400 looking for my dorm. The buildings were not labeled consistently and building 470 was nowhere near 465. But after about 20 minutes of lugging 70 pounds of crap and linens all over the place in a drizzling rain, I found my dorm, made it to my room, made my bed, put my stuff down. I then made my way to the dining for an actual meal because I was starving. After breakfast, I got back to my room at about 0500, took my pants and boots off and laid down for what I expected to be about 3 hours of sleep. At about 0530, the door opens and someone flips on the light! It was my new roommate, who, when I asked her to turn off the light, didn’t. She rooted around for about 10 minutes and then managed to find her flashlight and turned off the overhead light. She is a Marine. Most AF personnel keep a small flashlight attached to our uniform collar for occasions such as this. She didn’t even apologize. She then proceeded to go in and out for the next hour or so, waking me up each time.

I had decided that there was no need to check my flight right at 0800, so my next appt would be at 0900 to turn in my vest. I set my watch alarm to 0830, not really sure that I would hear it, but hoping I would. I did not remember where I had put my alarm clock. I found it later in my backpack. Next thing I know, after a few hours of waking up frequently, my roommate entered the room again. I looked at my watch and it was 0900! YIKES! I leaped up, threw on my uniform, put in my contacts because I couldn’t find my glasses quickly, and rushed off to find the place to turn in chem gear. Turning in the gear was an easy process. After that, I headed to breakfast, bought a long sleeve PT shirt at the BX because it’s pretty chilly here and my sweatshirt is in my luggage, then scheduled a massage tomorrow because I am still sore, went to the coffee shop and had a café mocha with way too much mocha (believe it or not!!) and read the Stars and Stripes, and now I am sitting here on my bed telling you about my day.

I think I will read for a bit and then take a nap. If all goes according to plan, I’ll be at BWI the evening of the 14^th- then crabs and beer with Kristin- yippppeeee!

Dog Attacks! What fun!

2010-09-11T01:40:00.000-04:00

There is a team of dog handlers here whose dogs are called in when they have to go get bad guys. One of the handlers is an Air Force female, one is Army and there were two Navy guys when I met them tonight. There was also a Marine who was just passing through. The dogs need to be trained to take down people and to obey their handler’s every command and that takes a lot of practice. And it’s not as much fun or valuable training for the dog to practice on the same people over and over again. So that’s where we come in. they let perfectly gullible strangers come in and get chased down by their dogs. I had a contact who set it up for me and we went tonight (9-8) so I could be an adjunct dog trainer (my terminology!). Or maybe it’s just dog meat…

There were three dogs there- Rocky belonged to my Navy handler, Don was with the Army handler, and there was a pretty female dog who was with the Air Force female handler. Then there was another one that was crazy. His handler was Army, and left from another base for R&R last week. He was in such a hurry that he told the guys there that the dog was “fine” and left. Well, that dog is not fine. It’s job is to track and chase bad guys, on his own, and then corner them and wait for the handler to arrive. Apparently, he is mean and he bites. The Air Force female (they guys call her Female Jones- not sure if there was a Male Jones or not!) went into the kennel a few days ago to change its water and it lunged at her and got a hold of her arm. She was able to get it off her with her other hand and then it got her other hand. She had to go to the hospital. That dog was massive. It’s really kind of sad because the Navy guy said that they will send it away and try to rehabilitate it, but if they can’t, it will have to be put down. There’s no way a dog trained like that could go to a home. I told him they should contact Cesar Milan and tell the story. It would be great for him to save an Army dog and it would be great for the Army because they could look good for not killing this dog who is a hero in Afghanistan for catching a gajillion bad guys.

The nurse who took me over there has a German Sheppard at home, but she was afraid of the dogs hurting her, so she just wanted to watch and photograph. Another nurse wanted to come watch. Another Army guy decided to come and watch as well, thinking maybe he would do it the next day. But I talked him into doing it tonight. More on that later.

First, I had to take everything out of my pockets that might stab me or get ruined if it got bitten. Then I put on this giant suit- bottoms and top. It probably weighed 80 pounds and I could hardly move. The handler carefully explained the procedure. I asked him if the dog would bite my face….his response? “Only as a last resort.” WELL WHAT THE HECK ARE THE FIRST RESORTS?!?!?!?!?!?! He said the first resorts are the arms, then the back, then the legs. Oh…OK.

My dog’s name was Rocky. He is a beautiful German Sheppard who looked so happy to see me. Really! He was jumping around and smiling and wagging his tail. His ears were all perked up and you could tell he loved his handler. The handler told me to move when he said move and when I was not supposed to run, to be absolutely still. OK- I can do that! The first exercise was for me to hold my arm next to my body with the elbow bent at a 90 degree angle. The dog was released from about 15 feet away and came flying at me at full speed and leaped up and clamped down on my arm. I gave him some good shakes and after a bit, the handler said to stop moving. Moving stopped! Then he yelled “OUT!” and the dog stopped and he told him to heel and the dog went tearing back to the handler’s side, then he was told to lie down and stay and he did. Next was the running portion. Lumbering is more like it, but I did as I was told. I ran as fast as I could and then remembered to look over my shoulder as instructed and here comes that dog as fast as lightening and he leaped up and grabbed my arm. Eventually he was able to pull me down. I kept my face turned away so he wouldn’t think it would be great fun to eat it as a last resort. The handler called him off and then he asked me if I wanted to do it again- heck yeah!!!!! So I did it again, but somehow I tripped and went down and just waited for him to pounce on me. He sure did! He grabbed my back first, then my right arm and he got some of my tricep in his mouth. He tried to get a better grip and moved down a bit. He let go as soon as the handler called him off. The last exercise was where I was supposed to give up. My job was to run and then stand there facing the dog like I wanted to give up and at some point the dog would decide to run past me. I couldn’t wait to see if this would work!! I ran and then stood there and the dog was running at me as fast as he could go and at the last second the handler yelled something I can’t remember and Rocky pulled to the side at the last second and then kept going, then the handler called him to heel. He was just amazing.

After my turn was over, “John” decided to go. Remember how he didn’t really want to do it tonight? Keep that in mind. He gets all suited up for Don to chase him. Don is some other kind of dog that looks like a German Sheppard, but isn’t. I can’t remember what. Anyway, Don looked even happier than Rocky was to be getting himself some flesh! So John runs out and is actually able to stand up as Don chased him down and then leaps up and grabs a hold of John's arm. John did not go down as the 80 pound dog is hanging on. Around and around they go until Don is called off- grinning from ear to ear. The dog, not John. Then they do it again and this time John goes down. And then there is one last time. John is running for all he’s worth, the dog leaps up and grabs his left arm again and John goes face down. And he’s not moving much as the dog is pulling on him. Next thing I hear is Doc! Doc! I leap up and run full speed down the course about 50 yards and John is laying on his face, his forehead is bleeding and he is not moving. Holy crap! He head was bleeding A LOT and I couldn’t find a bandage or anything to stop it. I almost ripped my shirt off and then remembered I had a soft reflector belt in my pocket. So I fished that out and put it on his cut. He was out cold for about 30 seconds. Then he started thrashing a lot and hyperventilating, completely unresponsive to any communication. We held him down because his neck might have been injured and he slowly came around. The handlers called 911 and brought a medical bag. We washed and dressed his cut, which had stopped bleeding and then the firefighters and the ambulance arrived and we rode back with him. Poor guy. I felt sort of responsible for talking him into it. He’ll be fine, but I hope he doesn’t end up with PTSD and a fear of dogs.

.....Addendum 2 days later- John is still nauseated and dizzy, but we are hoping he'll be fine. Also hoping they don;t put that activity off limits to us because of his accident. You can't squelch all the fun! I am a bit sore from using muscles I don't normally use. But I still have my part of it as a great memory.

Leg vs. Concertina Wire

2010-09-09T13:22:00.000-04:00

Today I had an unfortunate episode of leg vs. concertina wire. Everyone knows I’m pretty accident prone. I crash into things, trip, fall down, and get bruises that I have no idea where they came from. When I was pregnant, I would forget I had a belly and crash it into door jams as I turned to walk out. My kids might be a little messed up because of that, I think. If it is possible to get hurt doing something, I’ll figure out a way. But usually nothing serious- just cuts and bruises. I get it from my dad. He's always been the same way, only worse, my whole life. He could not make it through a home improvement project without drawing blood. Pretty sure that’s still the case. But I did get half of my genes from my mom, so when I concentrate, I can be OK. I just forget to be careful a lot.

I cut myself with a knife early on in this deployment- it was clipped to my pocket and popped open (it’s a switch blade) without me knowing. I reached down and bam! It bit me. A couple of weeks ago, I cut myself with a serrated bread knife while opening a bag of bread mix. As I was cutting I was thinking I was not using the best technique (as in I was holding the bag with my left hand and cutting towards my palm with the giant knife in my right hand) and there might be a bit of risk and then mid-thought- bam! I got cut again. The serration marks were actually pretty cool. The scab just fell off a few days ago.

Then this morning, I was riding my bike for the last time on this deployment and I saw an old beat up airplane that looked like it had crashed and I wanted a picture of it. So, on my next loop around, I stopped and got my camera. As I neared the place I thought the plane would be, I was looking left and BAM! I felt something sharp hit my leg on the front just above the ankle. I knew instantaneously what it was because the concertina wire is all over the place next to the road and I had ridden next to it countless times. Then I saw the plane and pulled over. As I was laughing at my stupidity and wondering how bad it was and looking down to check out the damage, it was actually sort of bad- about an inch long, quarter of an inch deep and about half an inch wide. By now it was hurting and as I was laughing I was also saying some cuss words my kids probably think I don’t know and it looked big, but wasn’t bleeding. So I took my pictures and rode on. I took a few more pictures as it started to bleed some. Then I went back on the next circle around and got a picture of the wire that got me. I tried to find some flesh on it, because that would be the best, but there wasn’t any. Then I turned around and went back. I was going to do another loop, but I had a meeting at 0930 and this was 0800 and I figured it would take an hour in the ER for stitches. it did, but I was able to get a quick shower (with my leg propped up on the wall to keep my new stitches dry!) and make it to the 2 1/2 hour meeting on time.

I got to the ER, took a good picture of my wound, and then let the tech numb me up and wash it out. Then the doc put a couple of deep sutures in and the tech put the superficial ones in. He wasn’t as good at it as I would expect him to be if the doc left him alone with me. With his permission, I gave him a lot of pointers (as well as the other 2 techs who were watching him), then we practiced some more after he was finished my leg. He learned pretty quickly and he’ll do a lot better next time.

All in all, it’s a good story and hopefully the scar won’t be too bad. But it hurts a lot right now. The whole front of my leg down to my ankle is killing me. But even so….I still went and chased by the dogs…more on that in the next story!

Where Were You (When the World Stopped Turning?

2010-09-05T11:48:00.001-04:00

Sitting here listening to the Alan Jackson song "Where Were You (When the World Stopped Turning)" . It's making me cry. If that had not happened, we would not be here right now. Thousands of American men and women and even more Afghans would not be dead and injured. We have 6 children on their way in right now who got hit by a mortar. We have a young man right now who is fighting for his life after being shot through the forehead. His wife doesn't even know yet. They are still putting a team together to notify her. Heart breaking.

Where was I when the world stopped turning? I was in London with my family and parents. We heard the news from a scraggly looking guy in the subway and we thought he was messing with us. The headline on the newspaper said "America Going to War!" Bush had not even spoken yet, but the world knew that we would not stand for an attack on our homeland. I went into a bathroom stall and cried quietly. I knew we were going to war and I knew it would be quick. I just assumed I was going (and I did 9 months later). But that's not why I cried. It was because of the senselessness and the magnitude of the loss. I instantly knew that this was my generation's Pearl Harbor. When we invaded and people were saying how quickly it would be over, I was saying we would be here at least 5 years. Little did I know it would be no less than 8. I have no idea when this will end and how we will know that we have "won" or that we are finished. This country is not Japan or Germany. These people have been fighting for a thousand years and are insanely patient. They are loyal to no one who is not family. They will do whatever it takes to protect their family and if that means letting the Taliban protect them and set up courts because the central government can't or won't, that is what they will do. The enemy will wait us out for as long as it takes.

I am glad to have come, but I'll be glad to be going home. I can see there are areas and ways we have made a difference, but I don't think it will matter in the long run. When we pull out, the enemy will say they drove us out. If we stay, they will say we are an occupying force...history has shown that when there is an occupying force in Afghanistan, the factions band together to get them out. That's what we are starting to see here- some cooperation between some of the bad guys (there are at least 3 groups). They will do whatever it takes to get us out.

So that's where I was when the world stopped turning. And this is where I am now. I hope I am where I think I will be next week.

Random Thoughts

2010-08-29T12:25:00.000-04:00

I'm always thinking up these great ideas for blog entries when I have no way to write them down. then I forget them and you don't get to hear my awesome thoughts! Bummer. I had one while I was running this AM and now I have no idea what it was.....maybe I should take a marker with me everywhere and then I could write it somewhere on myself even if I don;t have a piece of paper.

I had a facial today and got my lip waxed for the first time ever. I'm sure you needed to know that. My son teases me about my mustache sometimes, so maybe he'll be happy now. The facial was about 20 minutes long- supposed to be 30. And there was a bout a 10 minute break in the middle while my mask set. I fell asleep during that! It was kind of great. But the whole entire session cost $9. That was worth it. i have my lat massage at Bagram scheduled for next Sunday. After my facial, I cleaned my room and then went to see a movie- Sex and the City. It was pretty good. Saw Robin Hood a few days ago- loved it! And skipped out of work to see Karate Kid yesterday- loved it! It was the same story as the first time around, but updated for modern audiences. Enough similarities to make it similar, enough differences to keep it interesting. And Jaden Smith is so cute! Plus, I like Jackie Chan.

I've been slowly packing my junk and mailing it home. Finishing up some things at work. But all in all, I am very low stress right now. Which is very good! I've been getting to bed mostly on time. I exercise 6 days a week. I've been eating healthy. I feel great. Wish life could stay like this once I get home!

Coming Home Soon

2010-08-26T12:57:00.000-04:00

If all goes according to plan, two weeks from today I leave for home. (Don't tell the kids! We'll let them know when it's solid). You would think that I would be ecstatic about this, but I will confess that there are mixed feelings. Everyone has them, but most people don’t talk about them. Going home is wonderful and hard at the same time. I’ve done this a few times now- once after 3 months and once after 1 month- but never after this long. Jack has been at home with the kids and they have been living their separate lives. They eat what they want (I can only imagine!!), go to bed when they want, do whatever. I have no control over that stuff from here. Jack is a wonderful dad and I rarely worry about the kids when they are in his care, but he is a different parent than me and it has been all him for 6 months. He watches what he wants on tv, goes out when he wants, comes in when he wants and never has to check in with me. Then there’s me and what I have been doing for 6 months. I get up when I want, go to the gym, basically come and go as I please and rarely check in with anyone. I take off during the day if I feel like it. My stress levels are low. The work is manageable. And fun.

When I get home, it all changes. I can’t wait to see my family again. I miss my kids and I miss my husband. I am looking forward to so many things, like wearing a dress, wearing my hair down, cooking, walking barefoot in the grass, shopping, hanging with friends, drinking wine, going out to restaurants, going to my kids sporting events, and a million other things. But life is so simple here! I work out, work, eat, read and sleep.

Another side of having been here is I have learned that I love the low stress life. Makes me re-evaluate what I want out of life. I miss clinical medicine. I have leadership aspirations in the Air Force, but there is a lot of stuff I just don't like. A lot of the minutia is a pain in the butt and I just don’t care. I’d like to see how far I can go up the food chain, but I’m starting to think that’s just not much fun. I loved my teaching job and I love seeing patients. But then I think- I can do that when I retire. Which I can do in just 4-5 years- wow!!! I have a business plan in mind and have even started to think of names for my practice. By then, I want to work for fun.

I can't wait to get home, but I know from experience that transitions are hard. Expectations are high. For some families, it doesn’t go well. I hope it goes well for us.

Adventurous Afghan Food

2010-08-21T13:19:00.000-04:00

So we went back to the UAE dining hall for dinner tonight. They had some stuff I had never seen before. When I started looking closely at the fish I had gotten, there was an eyeball in it! I did not eat that. then i was poking through some other unrecognizable stuff that actually looked pretty good. This one bit looked like a stem of cauliflower, but not quite. When I looked closer it on cross section, it was shaped like a butterfly. Then it hit me what it was!!! Any guesses? Doctors? I showed it to the neurosurgeon sitting across from me and told her she would know- took her a couple of seconds to blurt out- Spinal Cord! yup..... I tried to cut a little piece off as i was weighing the adventure of trying spinal cord vs the possibility of get CJD (spongy brain disease) when my plastic knife broke. So I bit off a little piece. It was OK. Hopefully I won;t regret that in 20-30 years.
They also had these little donut hole things that were quite good.

They had a lot of different foods and I'm not sure if it's because of Ramadan or some other reason. Here's a primer on Ramadan so you can be in the know.

Ramadan, the Month of Fasting

· The Meaning of Ramadan

Ramadan is a special month of the year for over one billion Muslims throughout the world. It is a time for inner reflection, devotion to God, and self-control. Muslims think of it as a kind of tune-up for their spiritual lives. There are as many meanings of Ramadan as there are Muslims.

The third "pillar" or religious obligation of Islam, fasting has many special benefits. Among these, the most important is that it is a means of learning self-control. Due to the lack of preoccupation with the satisfaction of bodily appetites during the daylight hours of fasting, a measure of ascendancy is given to one's spiritual nature, which becomes a means of coming closer to God. Ramadan is also a time of intensive worship, reading of the Qur'an, giving charity, purifying one's behavior, and doing good deeds.

As a secondary goal, fasting is a way of experiencing hunger and developing sympathy for the less fortunate, and learning to thankfulness and appreciation for all of God's bounties. Fasting is also beneficial to the health and provides a break in the cycle of rigid habits or overindulgence.

· Who Fasts in Ramadan?

While voluntary fasting is recommended for Muslims, during Ramadan fasting becomes obligatory. Sick people, travelers, and women in certain conditions are exempted from the fast but must make it up as they are able. Perhaps fasting in Ramadan is the most widely practiced of all the Muslim forms of worship.

· The Sighting of the Moon

Ramadan is the ninth month of the Islamic calendar. The much-anticipated start of the month is based on a combination of physical sightings of the moon and astronomical calculations. The practice varies from place to place, some places relying heavily on sighting reports and others totally on calculations. In the United States, most communities follow the decision of the Islamic Society of North America, which accepts bonafide sightings of the new moon anywhere in the United States as the start of the new month. The end of the month, marked by the celebration of 'Eid-ul-Fitr, is similarly determined.

· From Dawn to Sunset

The daily period of fasting starts at the breaking of dawn and ends at the setting of the sun. In between -- that is, during the daylight hours -- Muslims totally abstain from food, drink, smoking, and marital sex. The usual practice is to have a pre-fast meal (suhoor) before dawn and a post-fast meal (iftar) after sunset.

The Islamic lunar calendar, being 11 to 12 days shorter than the Gregorian calendar, migrates throughout the seasons. Thus, since Ramadan begins on January 20 or 21 this year, next year it will begin on January 9 or 10. The entire cycle takes around 35 years. In this way, the length of the day, and thus the fasting period, varies in length from place to place over the years. Every Muslim, no matter where he or she lives, will see an average Ramadan day of the approximately 13.5 hours.

· Devotion to God

The last ten days of Ramadan are a time of special spiritual power as everyone tries to come closer to God through devotions and good deeds. The night on which the first verses of the Qur'an were revealed to the Prophet, known as the Night of Power (Lailat ul-Qadr), is generally taken to be the 27th night of the month. The Qur'an states that this night is better than a thousand months. Therefore many Muslims spend the entire night in prayer.

During the month, Muslims try to read as much of the Qur'an as they can. Most try to read the whole book at least once. Some spend part of their day listening to the recitation of the Qur'an in a mosque.

· Food in Ramadan

Since Ramadan is a special time, Muslims in many parts of the world prepare certain favorite foods during this month.

It is a common practice for Muslims to break their fast at sunset with dates (iftar), following the custom of Prophet Muhammad. This is followed by the sunset prayer, which is followed by dinner. Since Ramadan emphasizes community aspects and since everyone eats dinner at the same time, Muslims often invite one another to share in the Ramadan evening meal.

Some Muslims find that they eat less for dinner during Ramadan than at other times due to stomach contraction. However, as a rule, most Muslims experience little fatigue during the day since the body becomes used to the altered routine during the first week of Ramadan.

· The Spirit of Ramadan

Muslims use many phrases in various languages to congratulate one another for the completion of the obligation of fasting and the 'Eid-ul-Fitr festival. Here is a sampling of them:

"Kullu am wa antum bi-khair" (May you be well throughout the year) - Arabic

"Atyab at-tihani bi-munasabat hulul shahru Ramadan al-Mubarak" (The most precious congratulations on the occasion of the coming of Ramadan) - Arabic

"Elveda, ey Ramazan" (Farewell, O Ramadan) - Turkish

"Kullu am wa antum bi-khair" (May you be well throughout the year) - Arabic

"'Eid mubarak (A Blessed 'Eid)" - universal

Tears

2010-08-15T12:07:00.000-04:00

So there I was. Sitting in the smoke shack, reading Bill O'Reilly and smoking a cigar. A couple of F-15s took off and I got a chill. Then for some reason I started to cry. Not sure why. But it made me sad. Whenever they take off, I'm not sure if it's just a routine mission where they are providing support, or if they have been called out on a specific support mission to get some guys out of trouble. Many of the Army units have an Air Force JTAC (Joint Tactical Air Controller) with them who communicate with the Air Force and give the planes the coordinates to shoot or drop a bomb or something. If they are calling in a jet to bomb so close to their own unit, things are going very badly. Anyway, every time I see a jet take off I wonder it it's routine or they are going to save our guys.

In morning I see the MRAPs heading out on patrol and I say a prayer that they will come home safely. Many evenings I see them come back and I say another prayer thanking God that they came home. Last night we got 3 traumas from one of the Forward Operating Bases. They were the guys that headed out in the morning not knowing what they would run into. One guy had his jaw broken, another had his arm filleted open to relieve the pressure of the swollen muscles, and another had his leg amputated above the knee. I watched our amazing ER crew take care of them.....the Soldier with the amputation needed blood and it was being hung by the nurse 1 minute and 45 seconds after the doctor ordered it. Incredible! I stayed late and watched each of their surgeries. They had their wounds explored, cleaned and dressed. The Soldier with the broken jaw had his jaw wired. They will all go to Germany in the next 48 hours or so for further care. After staying there for as long as it takes to get them well stabilized (maybe a few days to a week), they will fly to Walter Reed, where their families can meet them.

I read the Air Force times every week and in each issue I read the names of all the personnel who have been killed. There used to be a few every week. Now, the entire page is filled with names. I read each name and how he or she died. I figure it's the least I can do to honor their memory.

War Wounded Story on CNN

2010-08-09T11:08:00.000-04:00

Barbara Starr from CNN was here last month. She followed some wounded Soldiers from the level 1 medical care facility, here to Bagram, and then to Lanstuhl Army Medical Center. After their treatment there, they went to Andrews and on to Walter Reed. We watched it on tv yesterday and it was kind of corny, but to regular people it's probably pretty good. Here is the story on the internet. Try to catch it running on CNN if you can!

http://afghanistan.blogs.cnn.com/2010/08/02/the-journey-home-from-the-frontlines-of-war/

What I Have Learned in Afghanistan

2010-08-05T11:59:00.001-04:00

My friend, Lucinda Valenti, wrote this. She was our chaplain until a few weeks ago. I thought this had a lot of truth to it.

Things I have learned in Afghanistan:
-It is okay for a big burly Marine to hold his badly hurt buddy’s hand while they are lying on stretchers waiting to be loaded on an airplane to go home.
-It is okay for nurses to cry over pts.
-It is okay for me to cry with the nurses.
-It is okay for me to sit in the middle of the hallway praying with a soldier for his buddy lying in ICU.
-It is okay to laugh when an 18 yr. old soldier says-“Afghanistan is not so bad except for the bullets.” (Said as he lying on a gurney shot up).
-It is okay to call in help when the patient I am talking to goes into Cardiac Arrest.
-It is not okay for a patient to have a heart attack on my couch-especially when there is a perfectly good ER right down the hall.
-It is okay for me to claim foul when a child is hit, even if it is a “cultural norm”
-It is okay for me to have a little freak out after the bad guys have been stopped from coming over the fence by helicopters flying over my hut.
-It is okay for me to just be with patients and staff-nobody talking, just there.
-It is okay to do a doggie death notification when a distraught daddy stateside needs to tell his daughter (who is a 1st time deployer, 4 days in Afghanistan) that he accidently killed her beloved pet.

-It is okay to laugh hysterically with the Rabbi at 2 in the morning over absolutely nothing.

-It is okay to “bag” (perform breathing resuscitation procedures) and pray at the same time

-It is not okay to “lose it” in the middle of a child dying but it is okay to “lose it” a little when you get back to your office and the door is closed.

-It is okay to think “really God-there is a purpose for all of this?” It is not okay for that thought to paralyze me.

-It is okay to pray the same prayer day in and day out-God protect our Soldiers, Airmen, Marines and Sailors and if they come through my Trauma Bay please guide the Doctors, Techs and Nurses hands and hearts.

-It is okay to know that sometimes it just a different kind of crazy every day

-It is okay to teach 20 Afghan young men the meaning of “Y’all”

-It is okay to be very impressed with President Obama when he tells us he doesn’t know how we do what we do every day.

-It is okay to smile at the end of the day when you know you are a hospital chaplain when you empty your pockets and pull out a pulse O2 meter and 3 Saint Medallions

Tired....

2010-07-26T11:17:00.001-04:00

Yeah- that came from me. I know I am always doing a million things at time. I like to have my cake and eat it too and I like to do it a 100 mph.

But this week, I'm tired. I'm tired every morning when I get up. Tired when I go to sleep. Tired during my workouts. After my 4th bad run in a row on Monday I realized that I had increased my bike mileage and my running mileage simultaneously and I was not getting enough sleep either. Saturday, my long run day, I had planned before bed for 11 miles, got up and decided the usual 10 would be fine, and by my 3rd miserable mile I decided that 8 would be even better. All 8 miles were horrible. That was after I got up at 0445, put

my eyes in, brushed my teeth, got half way dressed, got undressed and started back for the bed, then got re-dressed and left. I should have stayed in bed. All 8 miles were horrible. Rested on Sunday. Ran 8 miserable miles on Monday and realized I needed a rest. Did only 24 EASY miles on the bike Tues, ran a miserable 2.6 miles Wed, 20 more EASY miles on Thursday, and then I hit today. Got up at 0445 as usual. Put the eyes in, brushed the teeth. Tried to think of what I wanted to do today (today is my do whatever sounds good day). Nothing sounded good. Gym sounded horrible. Running sounded miserable. Not even the bike sounded good. So I remembered Saturday and went back to bed. I slept for 90 more minutes. Missed Grand Rounds. And went to work feeling great. I felt so great that I went after work and did the elliptical for 45 min. Then I still had some energy, so I ran a mile totally barefoot around the hospital. Stepped on a big rock, but other than that, it was great! Now, I have to remember to go to bed on time and see what how far I feel like running in the morning. If I feel good, I'll do 6 and if I don't, I won't. Gotta rest sometimes.

Injured Vs. Killed... A Different Kind of War

2010-07-21T12:12:00.000-04:00

The traditional thought in previous wars has been that it is more advantageous to “our” side to injure, rather than kill, the enemy. This is because it takes up a lot more medical resources from the other side to take care of their wounded soldiers than their dead soldiers. That’s the reason that full metal jacket bullets are the standard, rather than bullets that fragment. Bullets that stay intact will cause localized damage and only kill if they hit a vital target. Fragmenting bullets cause significant tissue damage and are much more likely to kill. Also, the Hague Convention specifically prohibits fragmenting bullets. And bullets that explode if they are aimed at a person. Speaking of Conventions, the Geneva Conventions prohibit tear gas in war, but allows Napalm. I don't really profess to understand that one.

In contrast to most of history, the US has taken on responsibility for caring for the wounded that are caused by us. So our hospital is mostly full of Afghans. We care for US and coalition forces, civilians injured due to US or coalition action, plus Afghan National Army (ANA) and Police (ANP) that are injured. We also take care of any enemy that are injured on the battle field. The unit that injures them collects them after the battle and puts them into the US medical system. They are required to supply a guard and then we take care of them in our hospital. Also, we take care of all the medical needs of the prison detainees (the DFIP- Detainee Facility in Parwan; that’s the province we are in- this is the Guantanamo Bay equivalent right here on Bagram). There is a full complement of medical specialists at the prison to care for any need they might have. If they need surgery, even most elective surgeries, we provide it. Those guys come with two guards from the prison.

Our prisoners get top care. They get the same exact compassionate care that any American or coalition forces would get. If the enemy is more injured than an American, he gets treated first. They get state of the art orthopedic and plastic surgery. They get reconstructive surgery. They get fed and cared for. This can be pretty stressful on our nurses and technicians because sometimes these patients are not as grateful for their care as the Americans are. We go into care-giving because it feels good. When people are spitting at us or trying to resist care, it's hard to feel good. But our medics are heroes and even when they feel in their hearts that they don't care, they act like they do.

Bottom line, is…if we only injure them, it causes a drain on our resources, not the enemy’s. What a change in the way we prosecute a war! That’s not to say it’s any better or any worse. It just is. I understand the benefit of keeping these prisoners for interrogation purposes. Plus, we are living in an age where ethics are a bit different than they used to be. There are a lot of politics involved in our current situation. It’s not my place to pass judgment on the reason WHY we have changed how we operate. I just thought it was an interesting turn of events.

Afghan Dinner

2010-07-18T12:31:00.000-04:00

I just came from eating one of the best meals since I have been here. It's my third time eating Afghan food and I have not had a bad dish yet! Our interpreters like to have meals periodically and they invite the docs to share. The wife of one of the interpreters cooks massive amounts of food. It's good to know to plan for these meals because there is so much food! Today we had basmati rice (with cinnamon, raisins, carrots, and meat), the best okra in the world (cooked with microscopic bits of tomato and who knows what else but also some kind of yellow oil), potatoes cooked with the same yellow oil and onions, chicken, and naan (the flat bread). Oh my goodness! The bread is so good soaked in the oily stuff! Anyway, I practically have to fast all day to be able to eat a plate load- but somehow I managed!

One of the interpreters is leaving in a few weeks with eight other Afghans to come to America to live permanently on visa. Right now, he drives 2 hours to work and 2 hours home every day to Kabul. He will get a visa to live and work in the US (he is going to California, where apparently, there is a large Afghan population). Our government and an aid organization will help him pay for a plane ticket, rent, buy clothes and food, and help him find a job. He has to pay some or all of it back (I wasn't real clear on that point). He has a wife who speaks little English, but she was enrolled in a private university (not sure where- here, I think) taking computer science and he says she's very smart and will learn English quickly. He also has a 2 year old and a 6 month old. He is so happy to be going to America. The program is set up so that if they work closely with Americans for a year, and fill out a bunch of paperwork and pass the background check, they can get to America.

Our interpreters put themselves at risk by working for us. They don't allow themselves to be photographed when reporters come. They can't park a car outside the gate because someone may put a bomb under it. There are plenty of people working for the Americans off base who have had their families threatened. So for them to work for us can be very dangerous. But this program is a way to reward them for their sacrifice. And our interpreters are all smart and have skills to contribute to American society. Some of them are doctors. Three of the women (the only women) are all American citizens and are allowed to live on base. They all speak at least 4 languages, some as many as 6 or 7. They are very nice and are a pleasure to talk with.

And they make great food!

Waiting

2010-07-13T12:04:00.000-04:00

Every night I go to bed and every morning I wake up surprised that nothing happened. When I first got here, we got attacked almost every week. In late April, it slowed down and we got attacked in mid-May. Since then, they are still few and far between, so I keep wondering when the next one will come. So..I wait. And every morning I wake up surprised that I slept through the night.

And....I'm waiting to go home. I'm still really liking my work. We're still doing some awesome stuff here. but it's starting to get old. I feel like things at home are moving on without me. I'm sure they miss me, but it's hard to be here while they are there. So I wait to go home. 10 more weeks and I should be there. In the meantime, I wait.

Afghanistan Pictures

2010-07-04T13:28:00.000-04:00

This one is a Pararescue squadron helicopter. One like this was shot down 2 weeks ago and killed four pararescue men from our base. Their motto is "that others may live" and their symbol is 2 green footprints.

This is the view off the top of the Korean hospital here on base. They really didn't want us going to close to the edge- we were a good sniping target. It's beautiful. Too bad it's so dangerous out there.

I was walking back from the dining hall one evening and saw this perfect photo op.

Freedom Isn't Free

2010-07-04T12:52:00.000-04:00

Of course, I've heard that a million times in my life. But it has never meant the same to me before as it does now, spending Independence Day in a war torn country. We have been having record numbers of casualties, as can be easily seen by reading the Air Force Times and seeing the pictures of the men there. There used to be a few every week. I always make it a point to read their names and how they died. Now there are two rows of them every week. And imagine that there are probably 10 injured for every one killed. My surgeons were up all night last night and the night before taking care of guys who came in. Yesterday, I was sitting in my office and someone said they needed me to go see patients in the ER. Now, I've gone down before to help out there and when there is an overhead page that we have traumas and there are 3 or more, I usually go. I'm not always needed, but it's nice to have an extra hand if there is the need. Well, yesterday, the entire ER was full- every bed- and they were piled down the hallway. We sent a plane full of patients out yesterday and the hospital emptied out and a few hours later we were full again. Then another plane load today. We used to do about 1-2 fallen Comrade ceremonies every week. Now we do at least one every day. And it will probably be like this all summer.

It's amazing what great attitudes these guys have. They want to be out there killing bad guys. I went through the hospital today delivering 4th of July goodies and went through the wards. A couple of guys were going back to their units and all they wanted was to get the guys who hurt their buddies. And I hope they do. They know how important their job is and they know that they keep America safe.

I went and ate some BBQ and watched a video of fireworks tonight. We can't have real fireworks because of airplanes and bad guys. But the video was nice and it had the usual patriotic songs. " Proud to be an American" really got to me this year, for obvious reasons, I suppose. For all of political faults that drive me crazy, I still think we are the greatest country on Earth.

I know that what we are doing here is important. I hope we are successful in the long run. I think it will take a long time, though. And I have not met one single person who thinks that the draw down planned for next year means a dang thing. They think we will be here for at least the next decade. They are also pretty confident that if given the right tools and the right rules, we could root out the bad guys and make America safer. But no one has much hope for the country itself. They are pretty sure it will always be dirt poor and corrupt. here they have traditions of blood feuds, killing, and corruption that goes back thousands of years. The people I have talked to are pretty sure that is not going to be changed by us. I tend to agree with them.

I hope our work makes America safer and helps to keep us free. But it comes at a price. A price that is unbearable for some families. I hope in the end that the lost lives, the broken bodies, and the broken minds are worth it.

Grammar and Spelling- Good Lord!

2010-06-30T09:58:00.000-04:00

OK- I just have to talk about this one because it is driving me crazy and it's getting worse by the week.

I cannot figure out why people these days can't seem to get the possessives and contractions correct. There is a huge difference between your and you're, between it's and its, between there and their and between numerous other homonyms. I think that's what they're called. Hey! there's another one!

I see a lot of stuff written by a lot of smart people that gets this wrong all the time. And I see my daughter do it on Facebook and emails (her typing is atrocious and she doesn't care, but typos are a different story. These things are not typos.) My husband does it on emails. he says it's a typo, but it's not. "Adn" is a typo. I make it all the the time. "To" instead of "too" is not usually a typo. I see it on documents at work as well. Another common one I see at work is the possessive apostrophe in the wrong place- "patient's" when it's plural and "patients' " is correct.

Are the schools not teaching this properly anymore? Do people just not care? When I see these kind of mistakes, I think it makes people look ignorant. If you know what it's supposed to be, then do it right. What is the world coming to? Am I doomed to see this carelessness more and more and be driven even more crazy as the years pass? Should I just let it go? What?!?!

What is your pet grammar peeve? I have WAY more than this one, but this is the one that has been driving me crazy lately.

Hope and Forgiveness

2010-06-23T11:55:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I was told that there are no words in the Pashto and Dari languages (the most common ones in Afghanistan) for Hope and Forgiveness. That would explain a lot.

Sometimes I sit around and fantasize what this country could look like in 30 years. There are lush farmlands and forests, I have read. I can see beautiful mountains every day that could hold ski slopes and resorts. I'm quite sure that people would pay to hike up these mountains, just like they do in Nepal. \

But that stuff will never happen because they have no concept of making life better for themselves. They cannot move on from the blood feuds that have gone on between tribes and families for hundreds or thousands of years. They cannot accept someone in control unless that person takes it by force. They respect strength and strong words, but they are easily insulted. They do not forgive. How can they expect to find peace without forgiveness at some point? How can they build a better life and a better country if they do not have a word for hope? The word they do have is Inshallah. It means God Willing. It means they go about their lives and if God wants them to live or die, that's what will happen. I suppose when you live in such a harsh place, it's inevitable that you might look towards a higher power for the answers. But to not have hope? I cannot even fathom that.

Recently we had an issue with a department in the hospital composed of Afghan workers who speak English. Some are American citizens who have come back to be of help to their country. They do not have a leader appointed, and will not accept leadership from among themselves. The more educated ones refuse to take direction from a less educated one, the men don't want to listen to a woman, and there is general chaos. When someone did try to take charge to make it a more effective group, the others just erased the assignments off the board and went wherever they wanted. We suggested rotating leaders on a monthly basis- that was roundly rejected.

The patients steal from each other and will steal from the staff if able. They hoard things....especially food, but pretty much anything they can get their hands on. Most are grateful for the care they receive from us, but some just don't seem to care. We have seen the Inshallah attitude many times when it comes to getting well. It is difficult for our staff when they believe in doing everything possible and hoping for a good outcome. It's how we think and it's what keeps us moving forward.

I also think it's one of the things that makes us a great country. We have hope that life will be better for our kids and for ourselves. We know it's possible to be anything we want and we work hard to get it. Those of a Judeo-Christian faith have been taught forgiveness. It's how we move on. I'm not sure this country can move on.

The Notebook

2010-06-12T14:50:00.000-04:00

SPOILER ALERT!!!! Don;t read this if you ever plan to watch The Notebook movie.

So I've heard about this movie for quite some time and frankly, it looked boring and uninteresting. But a couple of men at work loved it. I think they love Rachel McAdams as much as the movie plot, but that's another story! So we arranged a movie night- two men, two women, a bag of Tostitos and some salsa.

I think I liked the movie, but I didn't love it. It's a very nice story. But I thought it had a happy ending. The other lady watching the movie was crying her eyes out over the sadness at the end, but all I kept thinking was how wonderful it was that they were in love and how happy happy it was that they could die together. I was a bit surprised when they woke up dead because I was thinking maybe she'd wake up in the middle of the night and not know him again (that scene where she forgot who he was and he was crying WAS the part I almost cried at!) and then he'd have to leave crying again. Then I thought they would go into a plot of him getting the drugs together for a murder-suicide and putting them in her dinner or something and then killing himself. I might have cried at that. I watched a documentary on assisted suicide and it followed a couple and how much in love they were and how she helped him set everything up to do the deed and then sat with him through it and it was all real. That made me cry. But when they woke up dead, lying in each other's arms, all peaceful and sort of smiling....I thought that was a happy ending. That's how I want to go- in my sleep with my hubby.

So sometimes I think I'm a shallow person. I don't over analyze. Heck, most of the time I hardly analyze at all! In high school and college we had to analyze stories and poems and stuff and people always got these deeper meanings out of them. And I always was thinking- maybe the guy was just writing a story. I wonder what he would think of you all getting all this stuff out of it. Does the fact that I didn't bawl my eyes out at the movie that others think is really sad make me shallow? I don't know. I hope not, but I think it's a definite possibility. OK my friends- tell me....am I shallow?

Who are the Taliban?

2010-06-11T11:33:00.000-04:00

This is a very interesting article out of the English version of Al Jazeera. Hope you enjoy it.....

We got rocketed again last night- one hit in a mine field on base- yes I said a mine field and the other hit a non-strategic building. That's how the spokes people say it. Can't say what it hit because then the bad guys could figure out if their aim was good or not. No casualties. We keep thinking they might try another big one like they did last month. I guess only time will tell.

With Afghan president Hamid Karzai pushing a reconciliation program that would bring elements of the Afghan insurgency into the government, there is a lot of talk about "the Taliban" - its motivations and goals.
But there are actually several main groups that comprise the Afghan insurgency, only one of which calls itself "the Taliban". All three share a hostility to the US and Nato presence in Afghanistan, but they have differing leadership and goals, and exercise varying degrees of co-operation. A brief primer:

Quetta Shura Taliban

Named after the Pakistani city where it is believed to be headquartered, the Quetta Shura consists of much of the senior leadership from the Taliban movement, which ruled Afghanistan until 2001.

Mullah Omar and other Taliban leaders are believed to be in Pakistan [Al Jazeera]

Mullah Mohammed Omar - the Taliban's "commander of the faithful" - heads the organisation, which routinely stages attacks against Nato forces in Afghanistan.
The Quetta Shura also runs a "shadow government" in Afghanistan. High-level members of the group serve as "governors" in 33 of Afghanistan's 34 provinces, according to US intelligence officials; Taliban fighters collect taxes, operate a parallel judicial system, and man checkpoints along the roads.

The Taliban has shown slight interest in dialogue with Kabul, and several high-ranking members were reportedly holding quiet talks with the Karzai government last year. But the February arrest of Mullah Abdul Ghani Baradar, Omar's deputy, has sparked a leadership crisis within the organisation and stalled that dialogue. Kai Eide, the former head of the United Nations mission in Afghanistan, has said that Baradar's arrest hurt the prospect of talks with the Taliban.

Hezb-i-Islami
Hezb-i-Islami ("Islamic Party") is often called a "Taliban" group, but it actually predates the latter by more than a decade. The party was founded in 1975 by Gulbuddin Hekmatyar, who would later serve a brief stint as prime minister of Afghanistan; it played a key role in helping to expel the Soviets from Afghanistan.

Hekmatyar reportedly commands several thousand fighters in eastern Afghanistan [AP]

The movement eventually split in two. One branch, a non-violent political party, now controls more than a dozen seats in the Afghan parliament and claims to be independent from Hekmatyar. The other remained loyal to Hekmatyar; it's often referred to as the Hezb-i-Islami Gulbuddin (or HiG, for short), and claims to command several thousand fighters in eastern Afghanistan.
Of the three insurgent groups, HiG is the one most willing to publicly talk about negotiations with Kabul. Representatives of Hekmatyar's movement met with Afghan officials in March and presented a 15-point "peace plan", which calls for the withdrawal of foreign forces, a cease-fire and a prisoner release. General Michael Flynn, the head of US intelligence in Afghanistan, has called Hekmatyar "absolutely salvageable".

But HiG leaders have been talking for years about reconciliation with Kabul, with little to show for it. Hekmatyar publicly spurned last week's peace jirga, and members of his organisation tell Al Jazeera they won't negotiate until foreign forces leave. And any talk of rehabiliating Hekmatyar is deeply unwelcome to many Afghan citizens who suffered through decades of human rights abuses committed by Hekmatyar's militia, most notably his incessant rocketing of Kabul in 1994.

Haqqani network
Finally there is the so-called Haqqani network, the eponymous organisation named after its leader, Jalaluddin Haqqani.

Jalaluddin Haqqani and his son run the network from Pakistan [GALLO/GETTY]

Jalaluddin and his son, Sirajuddin Haqqani, are believed to live in Pakistan's North Waziristan province. They operate mostly in eastern Afghanistan, particularly in the provinces of Paktia, Paktika, Khost and Ghazni.
The group is responsible for some of Afghanistan's highest-profile attacks, including a January 2008 attack on the Serena Hotel in Kabul - a favorite expat haunt - and an April 2008 assassination attempt against Afghan president Hamid Karzai. US and Nato commanders have called Haqqani their greatest strategic threat in Afghanistan.
Haqqani also maintains extensive connections to Pakistan's security services, which views the Haqqani network as a strategic asset against neighbouring India.
Afghanistan's insurgents are motivated by a complicated mix of grievances, but fighters in the Haqqani network reportedly have a more ideological bent than other groups. Anand Gopal, a Kabul-based journalist, has reported that "a significantproportion of Haqqani fighters double as madrassa students".

Pakistani Taliban
Across the border, meanwhile, the Pakistani Taliban's umbrella organisation - the Tehrik-i-Taliban - encompasses militias led by several commanders, including Hakimullah Mehsud, Hafiz Gul Bahadur, Maulvi Nazir and others. They are supported by a number of sympathetic groups like Lashkar-e-Jhangvi.
The extent of the Pakistani Taliban's ties to its Afghan counterpart is hotly debated. Journalists and analysts have identified growing co-operation between the two groups over the last few years.
Regardless of the operational linkages, though, it's clear the groups are motivated by different grievances: The Afghan insurgency opposes the foreign presence in Afghanistan, while the Pakistani Taliban primarily fights the government in Islamabad.

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

2010-06-06T02:44:00.001-04:00

I just found out the other night that Burt and Ernie are gay! Am I the only one that did not know that? And Queen Latifa. And a bunch of other people..... In light of my discovery and recently being told my "gaydar" is broken since I have no idea who is and isn't (mostly because I just don;t think about it much), I've decided to share my comments I posted on a DoD forum. This website is asking for feedback from the troops about what we think of the law and the repeal of it as part of the DoD review that is going on right now. The site made it clear that comments were not anonymous, so don't tell them anything you don;t want them to know!
So...here are my thoughts regarding DADT- from me as a private citizen, not my rank or official position. My official position, of course, is that I'll obey and enforce whatever the current law and regulations are.

I am a female Christian AF officer with command experience in the medical
field. When DADT first came into effect, I thought it was a step in the
right direction. Now, I strongly believe it ought to be repealed.
Discrimination for reasons other than inability to do one's job or duty or
to serve honorably are inconsistent with AF values. It used to be OK to
discriminate against minorities and women and now it's not. This is the same
thing. I know that people are concerned that serving with gay members would
put them at risk of being hit on sexually or that they would be put in
situations similar to being in the same situation with members of the
opposite sex. Well, Gentlemen, welcome to my world! I have successfully
navigated with men shared on-call rooms where members of the opposite sex
slept in the same room in the hospital, shared the same bathroom, and the
same shower. When my daughter was born, I pumped my breast milk with men in
that call room. No one cared. We were all discreet and professional. In
field exercises, I've shared a tent with 18 men, where I slept and changed
clothes with them. We were all professional. At survival school, I
virtually spooned with two men in a tiny shelter because it was better than
freezing. They did not seem to care that they were so near to me or to each
other and I certainly did not care. And when evading the "enemy", a bit of
tall grass and a whispered "Don't look!" were all the privacy I got when it
was time to relieve myself. We were professional. My point is that I have
been in numerous situations with members of the opposite sex which might be
similar to being in situations with a gay member of the same sex.
Professionalism goes a long way.

I have known many gay service members over the years and was proud to serve
with them. Their sexual orientation is irrelevant to job performance.

I have had many patients who hid their sexual orientation from the Air Force
and have had the resultant stress that goes along with it- unnecessarily.

The Christian side of me wants to believe homosexual acts are sinful because the Bible says so- although I'm not sure I'm convinced. That's a tough one. The officer and human side of me says that's irrelevant. Can the person do the job?
Are they professional? Then make everyone else live up to that standard and
send DADT the way of segregation laws and laws barring women from service.

Memorial Day 2010

2010-05-31T11:12:00.001-04:00

Today was Memorial Day in Afghanistan. From the looks of the Facebook updates of my friends, it appears the US spent the day Barbeque'ing. That did not happen here. We had a 10K run this AM which I ran and got my shirt. There was a memorial service and the flag was half staff until 1200. But for the most part, it was business as usual in the business of saving people from being honored today. I'm sure someone has been added today to the rolls of those who gave all. Being here and seeing the broken bodies of the men (and one woman) who have been mangled by this war gives this day a whole new meaning for me.

Today there were several articles in the media about women in war. I've included one here, as well as the photos that go with it. I definitely have mixed feelings about the issue. I think that women ought to be able to do the same things men do, but at the same time, most women cannot carry a 80-100 pound ruck. Nor can they fight hand to hand in the same way. And a man's instinct is often to protect a woman, perhaps when he should be fighting. The article I attached is a good example of how women can be useful on a similar playing field as men. A few weeks ago, we had a female soldier on the ward who had lost her leg. She was pretty, with blond hair. She still had her make-up on when she came to us. She had been attacked with an IED and had lost her leg just below the knee. Her presence was very hard on the the staff. I think they get used to seeing young men and foreign men, but they are definitely not used to seeing a woman. Everyone can picture their mother or sister in that young woman and that makes it personal for them. It's the same way with kids- those are very difficult for the staff. maybe more so, because they were usually playing when they stepped on the mine or were hit by a flying bullet. It has really made me appreciate my family and how lucky I am that we are all OK.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/30/world/asia/30marines.html
http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2010/05/29/world/0529MARINES.html

I hope you all have a relaxing day today. Please say a prayer for the families of those heroes who gave all so that we can continue to live our lives as free citizens.

SCARY!!!

2010-05-22T16:48:00.000-04:00

Holy crap. I had decided earlier today that I wanted to watch a scary movie tonight that I've had for a few days. I love scary movies and I love scary Steven King movies the most. I've had "1408" sitting in my room for about a week waiting for a good night to watch it. I got back to my room at about 1000 after being out doing some stuff and wasn't too tired so I decided to watch it. I made some popcorn and settled in. With the light off. What the heck was I thinking? Well, after the ghosts started popping up and then a scene made me jump and yelp (!) I turned a small light on. There's brave and then there's stupid, OK? AND....I'm under the sheets while watching and everyone knows they can't get you if you're under the sheets. But only my bottom half was under and I wasn't taking any chances.

Anyway, it's at a scary part...(the movie is all about him being haunted and he can't tell if it's really a haunting or if he's hallucinating)... and I hear a knock that sounds like it came from my door! I 'bout jumped out of my skin! Then I thought it was part of the movie because sometimes it did that thing where the sound only comes out of one ear phone, so I thought maybe it was a knock on the door in the movie. Then it happened again. Then I started to get worried. What if it was a ghost at my door trying to freak me out?!?!? IT WAS DOING A GOOD JOB!!!!!! So I said, "Who is it?" and I didn't hear anything. So I said it again and heard a little noise outside like a voice. It's after midnight and no one has ever knocked on my door that late unless there was a bomb. I hadn't heard any bombs. (I say that so casually.... like, we didn't have any bombs today, how interesting. I suppose that feeling/concept is beyond most normal people's experience.)
So I get up and tentatively answer the door feeling like the bimbo in a Halloween movie or something when you're screaming, "Don't answer the door you idiot!! It's the KILLER!!!!!" But I'm telling myself it's probably not a ghost or a killer because this is Afghanistan and all we have is the Taliban. And they don't knock. They rocket or blow themselves up or hide and blow people up from afar. They don't knock. Anyway, I'm thinking the odds are in my favor that I probably won't die if I answer the door.

I didn't die and it wasn't a ghost. It was just a couple of my nurses needing a form signed urgently for a patient. She was a Lieutenant and I think she was afraid I'd be mad to be woken up because she seemed as relieved that I was already awake as I was that she wasn't a ghost! I told her the story and how I thought she might be a ghostly killer and we had a good laugh before I signed the paper.

Oh my goodness. What a night. Now I can't turn my light off. I knew this would happen....

Rockets and Small Arms Fire

2010-05-20T11:50:00.000-04:00

Wow. We got hit by our first complex attack since I've been here. That when the enemy uses more than one method. I'll tell you a bit about it, but I can't go into some details for security reasons. I'll tell you what I can. Early in the morning, I was alerted that there had been a rocket attack. We usually take cover when that happens. The hospital goes straight to work in case we get casualties. As we were getting our stuff on to go out the door someone heard machine gun fire, so we sat tight. I was in my room when I heard it and got down on the floor to put my vest and helmet on. It sounded like it was right outside my room on the street! Turns out it was a helicopter right overhead firing at some bad guys and the news reports say they got about 5 of them. That's the first time my heart rate has really gotten up since I got here. All I kept thinking was "Get 'em, guys!" You can read in the paper that about 7-10 insurgents were killed (I can't tell you which number is right), some of them with suicide vests and that 7-9 good guys were hurt (can't confirm which of those numbers might be right either), and one contractor was killed (that's right). And one building that was pretty close to the hospital got hit by a rocket. The spokeswoman said it was not of strategic importance- that's definitely true! After the shooting stopped, we went next door to the hospital and got everything ready to accept casualties.

I was so proud of all my people. I have brand new docs in the ER and new surgeons. I got to watch my new guys in action in the ER and they were outstanding. Very calm, very collected. Then I followed several patients to the OR where I watched my surgeons calmly go to work. One guy had 3 specialists working on him at the same time. When one of the ortho docs had to go, I offered to take his place (he was doing some minor debriding- that's cleaning out a wound) and he said OK! So I got to do a bit of surgery and interact with my new surgeons on their own turf. I like surgeons. it's like herding feral cats, but they don;t do anything just because someone says so. You've got to have a good reason. And even then they don;t always want to get with the program. They remind me of myself, except that now I sort of have to get with the program. but I digress...

My airmen were thinking for themselves- problem solving quickly and coming up with solutions to issues. No one felt like they had to run everything past me before they could make a decision. I love that they know their jobs so well that they just do them and problem solve creative solutions along the way without my input.

I was also very glad that the bad guys let us sleep last night! I'm sure they have more planned as things have been relatively quiet here for awhile and I think maybe they were saving their stuff up. Security is tighter of course, and there are some things we can;t do that we did before. My running will be a bit inhibited for awhile since my route ran past the past the perimeter fence. Maybe not a good idea for a little while.

This is one of the most accurate news articles:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100519/ap_on_re_as/as_afghanistan

Raised by Wolves

2010-05-17T23:12:00.000-04:00

OK. I just do not see how hard it is to clean up after yourself, to think about other people, to think that people might be sleeping and maybe you should close the door quietly. We live in tight quarters here. In the dorm rooms, there are 6-7 people to a room. Luckily, I have a room by myself, though! But my troops are 6-7 to a room in the dorms. There are 4 sinks and 4 toilets that are shared by 50-60 people. All of our water is trucked in, as there are no sewers or water pipes here. We take 3 minute showers so that everyone has hot water. People work all kinds of shifts and there are day sleepers mixed in with night sleepers. Even if you are a night sleeper, you may still be asleep at 0630-0730 when the night shift is coming home. So answer me this! How come people can’t figure out how to close a door quietly, flush a toilet, follow simple instructions to make sure the toilet stops running, wipe down the sink, get their disgusting hair out of the shower, and wipe their tooth paste spots off the faucet?!?!?! GAH-ROSS!!!!

There are signs up in the bathrooms explaining how to pull the cord and then jiggle the cord to stop the water running. I know because I do it to AT LEAST one toilet EVERY SINGLE TIME I got to the bathroom! It is completely disgusting that I wash my hands or brush my teeth in a sink where there are toothpaste spots all over the faucet. Hair in the shower. I just cannot get over the fact that people cannot figure out that they are not the only ones who use these facilities. There are signs asking people to wipe down the sink and faucet. About 1 in 10 does, I think.

And where do I place the blame? On the mothers. It’s a mother’s job to make sure her kids know how to keep things clean and to think of others (OK, it’s the dad’s job to make sure boys know how to hold doors for women!). But it’s the mom’s job to make sure kids do their chores, to check behind them and to make sure they are doing them right. It’s the mom’s job to help kids realize they are not the only ones in the world and to help kids see the world from other people’s eyes. Think about who might be sleeping when you slam that door or who might be coming behind you and using that sink. And in my opinion, there are a whole bunch of mothers out there who have not done their jobs with the women who live in my building!! They've been raised by wolves.

OK. I’m done.

Bright Sides and Other Hands

2010-05-13T11:13:00.000-04:00

I am a Bright Side type of person! Likewise, I'm a On the Other Hand person. Whenever something bad or yucky happens, I have a negative thought. Negative thoughts come very naturally to me, but then it is usually followed quickly by looking on the bright side. this hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday when I was walking in the wind and thinking how windy and dry it was. On the other hand, that means it's not rainy and muddy. When it's raining, there's mud, but on the bright side, it could be snowing in the mountains and slowing down the Taliban. AND......there's no dust!

Negative people really bring me down and then it makes me kind of grouchy. So imagine how difficult it must be to have a husband and a daughter who are pessimists. One of the things that Jack does that bothers me the most (beside the fact that he is incapable of opening a door quietly despite me trying to teach him for 20 yrs) is the fact that whenever I have an idea, his first reaction is all the reasons why it won't work or can't or shouldn't be done. My reaction is virtually always, "How can I say Yes?" Obviously we are complete opposites in that regard. It used to just annoy me, but since I have noticed it over the last two years or so, it just makes me mad. Partly because it's so predictable.

But back to the topic of the bright side. I love that there's a bright side to most things. And I think that people who can look on the other hand tend to be happier and more successful than those who don't. Michael J Fox is an optimist and has actually looked at the research on this topic. Optimists are healthier and happier than chronic pessimists. I think that's pretty cool. And for me...I wouldn't have it any other way.

the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

2010-05-09T02:05:00.000-04:00

This morning I was thinking of a couple of people here that drive me crazy and it got me to thinking about tolerance and appreciating people. Both irk me for similar reasons, yet also have similar qualities that I respect. They are good at what they do, everyone knows they are good at what they do, and they know they are good at what they do. But in the knowing, it's just that...knowing. It's not arrogance. It's just knowing as a fact. they are both very hard workers. And I don't think either one does things for personal gain. They have the best interest of the patient or their people at heart. The problem is, frequently, they are abrasive. One is flat out abusive and has been talked to several times. The only thing that makes them remotely tolerable is that I think they have good hearts.

Having a good heart and meaning well covers over a lot of sins in my book. It doesn't excuse them, but it makes them easier to tolerate.

A Price to Pay 24 March at 9:39PM

2010-05-03T13:11:00.000-04:00

Today started out well enough. Went to rounds and then to the gym. Somewhere around 1100 my morning calm was shattered. I can’t talk about the details, of course. Even idiots deserve their privacy. But what I can say is that all is takes is one reckless idiot to ruin a perfectly good day.

I had four sessions with the squadron last week to be sure that everyone could attend one. I laid out my expectations. I told them what I liked and what I didn’t like. I told them what I would not punish (a mistake) and what I would always punish (a crime). Less than a week later, I have someone violate the most basic of all deployed orders. It’s called General Order Number One (GO1) and it covers a whole host of things. No gambling, pornography, taking souvenirs, going into mosques. No alcohol, no going into the quarters of the opposite sex. No keeping animals as mascots or pets. No leaving your weapon unattended. The list is long, but they all make sense. Everyone is briefed when they get here. Some of the rules might be a surprise when someone gets here, and might not make sense right away (no mascots?!), but when you think about it, they make perfect sense (yeah- RABIES!).

When someone violates GO1, they put not only themselves at risk, but they put others at risk. It could cause an international incident and jeopardize peace. If a person is drunk, they can’t defend themselves and they cause other people to have to defend them. If they hang out in each other’s rooms and someone gets pregnant (which about 120 women every year DO!), they get sent home and their unit has to replace them.

I was unbelievably clear that there will be no tolerance for not maintaining standards and that everyone needed to watch out for everyone else. So how, less than a week later, does a person go and FLAGRANTLY violate GO1, within the presence of at least two other people who should have stopped it, and at least one who facilitated it? This person’s career will be ruined. They will probably not get promoted. They will go home in shame. They may to have to stay here longer to see it all through, depending on how long it would take. What a waste.

For the life of me, I will never understand what gets into people sometimes. This is one of the reasons I try so hard to help my kids understand how important it is to do the right thing. You can’t just make up your own rules and there are consequences when rules are violated. Sometimes devastating consequences. This wore me out today. But if I don’t take a stand on this one, then someone else may do worse and someone could get hurt or killed. Now I know why they used to just shoot people back in the day. Not that this person warrants shooting, mind you, but harsh punishment certainly serves as a warning to the rest of the troops. The sacrifice of one may lead to the saving of many. At least that’s what helps me sleep at night.

Afterward- 3 May 2010-

The officer in question had to stay here 3 extra weeks while we got this worked out. Turns out on of my junior officers was also involved. Along with two enlisted members from across base and one enlisted member from the hospital not in my squadron. My more senior officer got an Article 15- a Reprimand and suspension of half a month pay for two months. The junior officer got a Reprimand and the promotion that was due this fall will be delayed by 6 months. That one will be able to recover since they are otherwise an excellent clinician and officer, but had some very bad judgment. It’s now a month after all the disciplinary stuff when I first got here (5 in three weeks!) Had one more unattended weapon since then, but overall, the drama is down considerably- even the surgeons are behaving!

A Special Kind of Person

2010-04-25T15:27:00.003-04:00

This poem was written by one of my ICU technicians. He has been in the Air Force for 10 years and this was her first deployment. She's planning to separate in a few months. Actually, she extended her enlistment so she could come here. And as proof this is a small Air Force, I worked with her sister in Japan! Her poem captures a sentiment shared by many. She read it on rounds one morning and then again in front of the whole ICU during what I called a "signing ceremony". I asked her to read it and then sign it and then we hung it on the wall in the ICU. There were very few dry eyes in the room when she was finished.
They are all heroes. What they do in our hospital is amazing... an overall 98% survival rate- about 70% of out patients are Afghan and have horrific wounds and would die if we were not here. Americans have a 99% survival rate. The fact that we are here enables them to go out and hunt bad guys every day, knowing will be here if they get hurt. Their helicopter flies over the big red cross on our roof and they know they will most likely live. Our nurses, techs and docs take care of the worst of the worst wounds every day and rarely complain. Sometimes we have to make them take a break to take a day off. They amaze me.

A Special Kind of Person…
(A special dedication to all who served w/ me @

Bagram AF, Afghanistan:

Dec 2 - Apr 21, 2010)

It takes a special kind of person…to think of someone else,
It takes a special kind of person…to put SERVICE before SELF.

It takes a special kind of person…to wear our blues and greens,
It takes a special kind of person…to work together as a team.

It takes a special kind of person…to handle all the stress,
It takes a special kind of person…to put forth their very BEST.

It takes a special kind of person…to look our enemy in the face,
It takes a special kind of person…to medically take care of them,
especially at this place.

It takes a special kind of person…to make the decisions that we do,
It takes a special kind of person…to follow through and through.

It takes a special kind of person…to give our medical attention and care,
It takes a special kind of person…even though life sometimes isn’t fair.

It takes a special kind of person…to work long hours every day,
It takes a special kind of person…to accept the challenge,
even without the pay.

It takes a special kind of person…to deal with blood, guts, and tears,
It takes a special kind of person…to ease somebody’s pain &
take away their fears.

It takes a special kind of person…to help our soldiers, sailors,
and airman to get better,
It takes a special kind of person…one fight, one mission –
we all work together.

I salute you fellow co-workers, for everything you’ve done…
You’ve helped me make a difference, in my deployment #1.

Written from the heart – SSgt Andrea’ Mosca

Happiness is in the Little Things

2010-04-21T23:25:00.000-04:00

I had a great run this morning (finally!) and as I was laying there in my favorite yoga pose called Corpse pose (because you lay there on your back looking like a corpse and it's the only yoga pose I know), I could see steam coming off my body. It made me smile. I love it when the air is cold and I'm hot and the steam comes off me- makes me feel like a warrior or something.

Then I got to thinking- it doesn't take much to make me happy. A nice coffee mug, some steamy skin, the look of the mountains this morning as the rain was clearing and the clouds were moving on, dodging mud puddles.... those things all make me happy. And it doesn't take all of them. It only takes one. And I think that is the key to a happy fulfilling life. If I can be amused or happy from small things, and recognize them when I see them, then I can be happy a hundred times a day.

I wonder if it is the non-recognition of the small happy things that makes people unhappy and constantly looking for big thrills. Maybe that's why some people do drugs- looking for that feel-good, when they could just look around and feel good all day long.

It's the Little Things that make me happy. I like that.

Boring is Good

2010-04-19T13:26:00.000-04:00

Nothing too exciting lately. Last week flew by- I think because I spent the first half in a coma. Ten I got real busy the last half- that's usually good for making time pass quickly. I had an awesome Sunday yesterday- sleep in Sunday, I call it. Slept in till about 0800, then went for a run- my first workout in a week. It was horrible. the first 2 miles was OK, the 3rd was kind of bad, the 4th was awful...I was counting steps!!! Run 300, walk 100. When walking I was all lightheaded. I got back, laid on my cold floor, drank some Accelerade, and then did 3 min barefoot on the treadmill. That part was great. I did it again today- no calf or foot soreness WHATSOEVER! When I started at 5 min, I was sore. I'll stay at 3 min this week and advance to 5 next week and see how it goes. Anyhow, on rounds on Saturday I got really lightheaded too and had to sit down. Then it happened again today and I had a nurse check my blood sugar. Crap! I hate medical people! She jammed this lancet practically down to my bone on the side (!) of my finger (supposed to be the edge of the pad, not the very side where I have no meat!). Anyway, it was 100. Not low enough to explain lightheadedness. I had already had a cereal bar and a bottle and a half of water, so I drank some more water, ate some fruit and eggs for breakfast and felt better. Then went and did 75 min in the gym followed by 3 min barefoot running and I felt fine. Tomorrow is another 4 miles. I'm drinking now and will do some gel at the beginning of my run- see how that goes.

Tomorrow I have something fun to do.... at 0800 I'm going to do a "signing ceremony" with one of my Sergeants. She wrote a poem called "Someone Special" about how it takes someone special to take care of the sick patients we see. She is a Staff Sergeant who works in the ICU and she read me the poem yesterday- it made me cry a little bit. I asked her if it would be OK to print it out and hang it in the ICU and she said it would be. So I printed it, and tomorrow I will take pictures of her signing it and then do a little ceremony of hanging it in the ICU where people will read it after she leaves.
Interesting what a small Air Force it is....she has an unusual last name- Mosca- I mentioned to her that I knew an Airman Mosca at Yokota...it's her sister!

Campylobacter!!!

2010-04-14T15:22:00.000-04:00

YAY! Today was my first day back in the land of the living. I actually slept through the night. I was surprised at that because I had HORRIBLE gas all day yesterday. OMG- it was BAD! And the abdominal cramps got worse all day. Normally, when I lie on my back my tummy caves in- yesterday it was all bloated up about an inch and a half- yuck! And the night before- well... I kept count and it was about 26 trips to the bathroom in 18 hours and my room smelled like something died in here. No wonder I couldn't sleep. So I looked up my symptoms and I think I got Campylobacter from some undercooked chicken eaten about 36 hours before my first inkling of a fever thinking about starting.

Remember when I woke up with a headache on Sunday and decided to go do laundry at 0530? Then about 3 hours later my skin was sensitive? Really tired and crummy feeling all day. Joints achy. Feverish. Next day- diarrhea! Still fevering, sweating (soaking the bed sheets), headache. Next day (yesterday)- I was the Hindenberg with all that gas. Today, back to normal except lightheaded due to late dehydration. Drank 2L of water and POOF! I'm back to my normal self.

Campylobacter is the most common cause of food poisoning in the US, caused by undercooked poultry in most cases. (way better than getting cholera in a third world country and getting what they call "rice water stools"- yuck! Of course, I AM in a third world country, but our food is American.) My chicken was a bit pink and my friends warned me......but I said- NO PROBLEM! I have a third world stomach- I can eat anything! I actually said that. I HAVE eaten anything- bugs (cooked and raw), snakes, all kinds animals, fish eyes, balut (look it up- you'll barf). Never ever ever had a problem. Well...leave it to our DFAC to burn the crap out of a perfectly good steak and under cook chicken. This was not my first piece of pink chicken in the last 6 weeks. And they have no idea how to boil an egg either. You'd think dropping an egg into boiling water for 12 minutes and then TAKING IT OUT would not be that hard. I don't know what they do, but after they do it the eggs sit in the hot water on the serving line for who knows how long and they are impossible to peel. We have left Easter eggs out for days, so I'm pretty sure they could leave them out for a couple of hours without killing us. I thought I could eat pink chicken, too, I guess.

Anyhow, I survived to look up my disease.

Then I got a massage today (rescheduled from 2 days ago)- it was wonderful. From a nice young girl named Olga who told me to take every thing off but my underwear... It's now nearly midnight- so that will have to wait for another day. It's a funny story, though- stay tuned.

Aerovac and Combat Dining in

2010-04-13T01:46:00.001-04:00

https://newafpims.afnews.af.mil/shared/media/document/AFD-100409-002.pdf

Check out the first two stories in the Bagram News!
The first is about our aerovac (AE) system. The actual AE squadron does not work for me. They work for across base on the flightline. Our role is that we accept pts from them every day and send patients to them virtually every night. We have a Contingency Aeromedical Staging Facility (CASF) that prepares the paperwork and does all the tracking for the pts and then loads them on the plane.
The second is about our combat dining in. It was a lot of fun and this article gives a bit more info and some photos.

Back to the Land of the Living

2010-04-13T01:42:00.001-04:00

In my last post I said I hoped I would wake up healthy. HA! That would imply sleep. I was awake all night after midnight. 26 trips to the bathroom in under 24 hours- wow!
But now I'm at work and things have stabilized. Fever is gone. Guts are less rumbly. I was hungry this morning and ate TWO bowels of oatmeal and now I'm looking forward to lunch.
I'm baaaaaaaaaacccccckkkkkkkkkkkk!
Oh yeah- I finished my book at about 0600. It was Lone Survivor- about a Navy SEAL team that lost all but one member in a brutal firefight. Tells all about SEAL school before hand and then his rescue afterwards. An excellent read- highly recommended.

Still sick

2010-04-12T12:44:00.000-04:00

Man, I hate being sick! Today I actually went home from work early. I left at about noon and went home to bed. The last time I went home sick was in 1998! I laid in bed most of the day, freezing to death for most of it, reading my book. With a bad headache and the artery in my left temple all bulging out. Usually when that happens, Jack presses on it and it feels a lot better, but he's not here, so I had to press on it myself. My back was killing me from laying around all day. Someone brought me some soup for lunch. At about 1730, I was hoping someone would come ask me if I wanted some dinner and sure enough- they did! That was so great. She brought me some spaghetti, fried scallops, and dirty rice and cucumbers. I had asked for bland white stuff. I ate a bit of it because I knew I needed to, but in one of the only times in my life I can remember, I had no appetite and just didn't feel like eating. She also brought me a movie that I just finished watching called Whip It- about roller derby. I took 400mg Motrin with dinner and next thing I knew, instead of being freezing, I was sweating to death and hot....I guess my fever broke! At some point today, I got gassy- HAHAHAHAHAAA!!! It sounds like low thunder when my tummy rumbles. It would make me smile if weren't so danged uncomfortable!
While I was watching my movie, after my Motrin kicked in, I got hungry again and supper actually tasted good. I picked the scallops out of the fried breading, though. I didn't think all that greasy stuff would be very good while my guts were rumbling. At some point, my movie and dinner benefactor came back with some vanilla ice cream- yum yum!
I'm actually feeling pretty good right now. Think I'll check my email, read, and hope I wake up healthy. They keep trying to attribute this to barefoot running. I just don't see how that's possible. I think I need to get healthy so I can get back to it and prove them wrong!

Sick!

2010-04-11T22:53:00.000-04:00

I woke up yesterday with a headache at 0430. At 0530 I finally had a plan for my day so I got up. Went in to work, did my laundry, went to the 0645 church service at the hospital. Then went to breakfast. Figured I would go for a run even though I was feeling a bit worse- my head hurt a little, but my skin was sore and my muscles were achy. About 5 steps into my run, I had a horrible pain in my rt calf. Tried to run again- NOPE! Not happenin'. So went back and cleaned my room, feeling worse by the minute. I took a 2 hour nap after that! I did manage to eat a decent lunch because I wasn't miserable yet. Then I went to the Post Office and then I went to a movie. They were showing the Shining- the original Stanley Kubrik with Jack Nicholson. holy Crap! I forgot how scary that movie was! I had though about going to the 0100 version, but I was too tired. Good thing! I would have been looking for Jack around every corner!

By then I was quite miserable. I went back to work and wrote some letters home to my troops' parents and watched some of my TV shows on the DVD Jack sends me. Then at 1700 I had to go get my computer set up. So I went there and got it set up with my new (hopefully faster) internet service) and took another 1 hr nap. Got up and walked slowly to the dining hall and got some oatmeal and cereal. Then brought it back and ate some oatmeal, but I only got half way through before my stomach was killing me. Finished the Amazing Race and went to bed at 8pm. Tossed and turned all night feverish with my stomach hurting. Thought about going to the ER- but it felt like cramps/gas, not surgical, so I figured no point. At midnight I got a page and I sat up and I sweat was dripping off me like I had just finished a hard workout in the gym! My jammies were soaked through. But I felt a lot better and was able to sleep until the morning.

Now I am still hot, still have a headache. But I think I feel well enough to go to some meetings.
Pray I get over this quick!

Earthquake! A tiny one

2010-04-10T10:55:00.000-04:00

I was laying in bed last night about about 10:25PM and felt the bed shake. I thought it was a rocket, but I didn't hear a noise. And my pager didn't go off. No giant voice. No sirens. So then I thought maybe it was a truck or something. Then I thoguht maybe it was an earthquake.

I just got on line just now and sure enough, Kush had a little 4.6 earthquake. And I felt it! We lived in Japan for 2 years and there was an earthquake about every other week. I'd come to work and people would talk about how their house shook or their glasses jingled or something fell off the wall. I only ever felt one in the 2 years I was there. I was sitting on the couch it was a for sure earthquake! Just a small one though.

Anyhow- it's not too exciting, but I felt it. And it was much better than a rocket!

Random Stuff 7 Apr at 2200

2010-04-07T14:05:00.003-04:00

It's been a week since the last update, but not really much going on. Some discipline stuff that I can write about later when it's all over- 1 damaged career and 1 ruined career. Bummer. Easter was nice, but boring. No Easter basket for me. One easter egg that I snatched off a display at the DFAC- they would fed it to me later as macaroni salad or something anyway. No Easter bunny with gigantic chocolate ears. No jelly beans. I did find some peeps soem one had. But they were too fresh. I prefer them stale with plastic grass stuck to them. I am not making that up.

We had a bad day this week for traumas- 10 in one day. Another bad one with a young man who lost both of his legs high up and 2 mangled hands. I went to a purple heart ceremony for 4 men last night. I make a point to always shake their hand and I like to say something to them. I usually manage to croak out something like "Thank you for what you do for us", but it always seems inadequate. These guys constantly amaze us. they go out every day not knowing if they will come home or not. Every time I see them in their MRAPs leaving base I say a little prayer.

We had a couple more rockets- one the night before Easter and one Easter night. No one hurt either time. I heard the second one- first thought was that I wondered if it was a rocket. Second thought was maybe it was just a dumpster or something. It was a rocket. Since I live in a hardened dorm, I don't hear them as well as some people. Maybe a good thing. I heard a story about a guy waking up wtih someone in his dorm room prowling around. The creep came through the window. My window is closed and locked. But now I sleep with the gun in the drawer by the bed- out of the holster. A lot of the women here seem to be freaked out by the fact that there have been some rapes on base. And even some male on male sexual assaults. I’m not really sure what to make of that. I stay in well lit areas. I have my knife and a gun on me at all times. But I can’t live my life in fear and live sheltered. I still run in the AM (but it’s light by then). I still walk to the DFAC and back by myself. And I’m a little conflicted about even writing about this stuff- the husband and the parents read this. So probably tales of rockets and rapes freak them out. But I’m not very good at censoring, so you will get it all. Plus, Jack told me not to keep stuff from him. Now, if I were out in the country-side, going on missions and getting IED’d and shot at on a weekly basis- I’d probably keep that to myself and publish after I got home! My concerns are piddling compared to what some people are doing.

I started something new today- barefoot running. I have been thinking about it for about 6 months. I read an article in the Air Force Times about a guy who got faster in the marathon and a guy who got faster on his PT test. I hate shoes. I ran barefoot my whole childhood on rocks and stickers and whatnot. I did some internet research and it turns out that feet and bones get stronger, calves get stronger and look better and the gate is more efficient. My run form is already horrible- this can only help! I’m a little concerned about my bunion, but I guess I’ll see how it goes. I read that you should start very slowly, so today I did 5 min on the treadmill. Yikes- my calves were screaming as I was walking later! So I went and did my 3 mile walk with my 30 pounds of IBA on at a 14:49 per minute pace, then came back and did another 5 min barefoot on the treadmill. BIG MISTAKE!!!! Should have left that one alone. Spent the rest of the day achy and sore. Still that way. I’ll do 5 min every day until it is not painful. Then 10 min per day, then 15. When I can get to 15, I’ll change to 5 outside and 10 on the treadmill and work up to 15 outside (on the relatively stone free concrete around the hospital). Then see how it goes and work my way up from there. If the big rocks prove to be too much, I may order some special shoes made for this sort of thing (don’t worry, Jack, they cost the same as regular shoes!). And if this really works out, I’ll save a boatload of money on running shoes! We’ll see.

OK- gotta go to bed. Got another groundhog day to attend to tomorrow.

The Sopranos 29 march at 2106

2010-03-29T12:53:00.000-04:00

Ya'll are just going to have to figure out military time. Trying to post AM and PM is killing me.

So today we had another event besides the President snubbing the hospital staff. Some of the Sopranos came and some football player as well. James Gandolfini was there, some lady no-showed, and the dude who plays Paulie was there. Also some football player I have never heard of. Gandolfini- looks like his picture. Football guy- very nice for the few moments we talked after some idiot made a tall joke.
Paulie- he was an @$$. We had to stand in the greeting line while they came through and he got to me, LOOKED ME UP AND DOWN and ACTUALLY PINCHED MY CHEEK! and said something like, "wow, I need a good nurse." I think I mustered a thin smile when I told him he'd have to find someone else since I'm not a nurse. He moved on. After that, he proceeded to joke with the women, putting his hands all over and his arm around our head nurse who is a no-nonsense woman in her 50s and I could see right through her smiling and humoring him and I thought she might punch him out at one point.

He was able to get a minor procedure done by one of my family docs and he came out saying something about having to take his pants down. Three times he said it. He didn't have to take his pants down........

It just reinforced for me why I don't get star struck. Well, hardly ever.... I think I could love a visit from Robin Williams, Steven King, or Katherine Hepburn (well, I guess that one won't happen). OK, and maybe The Rock. He wouldn't even have to talk to me- he could just stand there and look pretty.

But the best part was I got to see my friend Col (Dr.) Lew Hofmann! He was the doc traveling with the team. He is one of the best FPs and one of the most humble people I know. His claim to fame is that he was one of my faculty in residency. And he was my doctor for the first 3 months of my pregnancy with James. And he is an accupuncturist who trained with the guy who pioneered Air Force accupuncture. Oh yeah- he's the reason Dick Cheney is still alive, as he was the VP's personal physician for 8 years. We had a great time catching up again (I saw him in Feb) and he took the time to talk with my doc who took care of Paulie since she is interested in accupuncture as well. And........ I trained her when she was a student. So there we were, three generations of FPs chatting there in the hallway. I told her whatever I taught her wrong was all his fault!

Anyhow, it was a pain in the butt having to follow stars around, but I'm glad I got to see my friend Lew all the way across the world.

A Midnight visit 29 Marchat 0530

2010-03-29T12:32:00.003-04:00

A couple of days ago, we were notified that there was to be a high level Afghan Official coming to visit and we needed to provide a crowd of a few thousand. In the military, we call that a Rent-A Crowd. I needed to get up a Rent-A-Crowd for Hillary Clinton in Japan once- it was a challenge. Sometimes, we get volunteers, other times, we just have to tell people to go. Not sure if we had any difficulty with this one, but it was scheduled for last night at about 1130PM. I thought that was an odd time, but I figured, it’s their country. I suppose they can send an official whatever time they want. I also thought it might have something to do with security since we were also not allowed to bring any weapons with us, not even the knives that most of carry for personal protection. I thought that was weird as well, because we are all required to be armed at all times and face severe disciplinary action if we aren’t. But again, I figured, it’s their country. Then we were due to have a Purple Heart ceremony last night at about 7PM. They usually occur between 6 and 7PM because that’s when the Generals are free to come over and do it. Then that got cancelled at the last minute. Word was that the President was coming and he might want to do them. Turns out, he was the “Afghan official” the Rent-A-Crowd was for.

I stayed at work until about 830PM, and did not hear anything else about the visit. Then I went back to my room and did some work on the computer. I turned the lights out at about 1030PM and left my contacts in, figuring I’d get woken up in about an hour to come to the hospital for the Rent-A-Crowd that was sure to be needed there if the President were coming. I was awakened at 0230 by my pager telling me a rocket had just been launched over the F-15s. I got dressed and put on my IBA, helmet and weapon and then went in to work. This is where it gets interesting.

Apparently, it was not such a big secret that the President was here. It was all over CNN, live, while he was doing his speech to the troops. Then he came over to the hospital. He was met by the top leadership and then all but the commander were dismissed. Secret Service made everyone who was not actually needed to work with patients leave. Some doctors really wanted to see him, so they crowded around the doctor’s work room and other places, trying to take pictures and then were told by the Secret Service to leave there. One got very angry because he thought he deserved to be greeted by the President for all the hard work he had done here.
The President went to the ICU and saw a soldier who was doing relatively well and did the Purple Heart Ceremony. Then he went where the sickest wounded are. There he spoke briefly with a soldier, then turned to leave and had to be reminded that he had not given him his Purple Heart. So he did. There was one other soldier there that was due to be decorated. He was a high double amputee with a large abdominal wound that had packing in it- basically an unconscious torso with a severe abdominal wound. The President apparently looked very uncomfortable, but he went over to that soldier and pinned a Purple Heart on him as well, and he said some words to him, even though he was unconscious. I’m told that he seemed uneasy the entire time he was on the ward.

Then he left.

Sometime around his take-off, the rocket was launched and landed near the F-15s. I’m not sure where that was in relation to where Air Force One was at the time.

Avalanche 8 Feb

2010-03-27T13:29:00.000-04:00

This was a huge deal. It shows how fast our hospital can expand. Real article is here and it's also summarized below. the pictures are in the real article at the link:
http://www.af.mil/news/story_print.asp?id=123190048

Master Sgt. Jan Fink holds a young avalanche survivor who was medically evacuated Feb. 9, 2010, to Craig Joint Theater Hospital at Bagram Airfield, Afghanistan. Dozens of Afghans were taken to Bagram Airfield after avalanches struck a mountain pass in the Parwan Province. Sergeant Fink is assigned to the 455th Expeditionary Medical Group. (U.S. Air Force photo by/Tech. Sgt. Jeromy K. Cross)

Afghan Dr. Abdul Rasheed and Senior Airmen Katrevious Swift talk with an avalanche survivor Feb. 9, 2010, at Craig Joint Theater Hospital at Bagram Airfield, Afghanistan. Dozens of Afghans were taken to Bagram Airfield after avalanches struck a mountain pass in the Parwan Province. Airman Swift is assigned to the 455th Expeditionary Medical Group, (U.S. Air Force photo by/ Tech. Sgt. Jeromy K. Cross)

Afghan doctors Shekib Hassanzada (left) and Abdul Hashim and Senior Airman Katrevious Swift discuss avalanche survivors? assessments at Craig Joint Theater Hospital at Bagram Airfield, Afghanistan. Dozens of Afghans were taken to Bagram Airfield after avalanches struck a mountain pass in the Parwan Province. Airman Swift is assigned to the 455th Expeditionary Medical Group. (U.S. Air Force photo by/Tech. Sgt. Jeromy K. Cross)

Master Sgt. Jan Fink assesses an avalanche survivor's wrist Feb. 9, 2010, at Craig Joint Theater Hospital at Bagram Airfield, Afghanistan. Dozens of Afghans were taken to Bagram Airfield after avalanches struck a mountain pass in the Parwan Province. Sergeant Fink is assigned to the 455th Expeditionary Medical Group. (U.S. Air Force photo by/Tech. Sgt. Jeromy K. Cross)

Afghan doctors along with Airmen from the 455th Expeditionary Medical Group assess avalanche survivors who were medically evacuated to Craig Joint Theater Hospital Feb. 9, 2010, at Bagram Airfield, Afghanistan. Dozens of Afghans were taken to Bagram Airfield after avalanches struck a mountain pass in the Parwan Province. (U.S. Air Force photo by/Tech. Sgt. Jeromy K. Cross)

Chaplain (Capt.) Peter Ma talks with avalanche survivors who were medically evacuated to Craig Joint Theater Hospital Feb. 9, 2010, at Bagram Airfield, Afghanistan. Dozens of Afghans were taken to Bagram Airfield after avalanches struck a mountain pass in the Parwan Province. (U.S. Air Force photo by/Tech. Sgt. Jeromy K. Cross)

Master Sgt. Jan Fink assesses an avalanche survivor's wrist Feb. 9, 2010, at Craig Joint Theater Hospital at Bagram Airfield, Afghanistan. Dozens of Afghans were taken to Bagram Airfield after avalanches struck a mountain pass in the Parwan Province. Sergeant Fink is assigned to the 455th Expeditionary Medical Group. (U.S. Air Force photo by/Tech. Sgt. Jeromy K. Cross)

Airmen from the 455th Expeditionary Medical Group work in the emergency room to save avalanche victims who were medically evacuated Feb. 9, 2010, to Craig Joint Theater Hospital at Bagram Airfield, Afghanistan. Dozens of Afghans were taken to Bagram Airfield after avalanches struck a mountain pass in the Parwan Province. (U.S. Air Force photo by/Tech. Sgt. Jeromy K. Cross)

Airmen from the 455th Expeditionary Medical Group work in the emergency room to save avalanche victims who were medically evacuated Feb. 9, 2010, to Craig Joint Theater Hospital at Bagram Airfield, Afghanistan. Dozens of Afghans were taken to Bagram Airfield after avalanches struck a mountain pass in the Parwan Province. (U.S. Air Force photo by/Tech. Sgt. Jeromy K. Cross)

Medical teams render assistance after Afghanistan avalanches

by Staff Sgt. Richard Williams

455th Air Expeditionary Wing Public Affairs

2/10/2010 - BAGRAM AIRFIELD, Afghanistan (AFNS) -- A series of avalanches struck a high pass in the Parwan Province of Afghanistan that have reportedly killed or injured hundreds of Afghan travelers. The avalanches, which occurred Feb. 8 and 9th, cut off a major route between Kabul and northern Afghanistan.

Afghan doctors and coalition members of Task Force Medical East, 82nd Airborne, 30th Medical Command and the 455th Expeditionary Medical Group along with volunteers from across Bagram Airfield sprang into action, rendering medical care and assistance.

The initial call was received by the TF MED-East Tactical Operations Center at 3:28 a.m. notifying staff members there of the avalanche. At the time, approximately 150 people were trapped with helicopter evacuation as the only means of exit, according to Army 1st Sgt. Brian Fassler from TF MED-East.

By 12:50 p.m., 60 to 70 patients were inbound to Bagram Airfield.

The hospital staff began to prepare for a possible mass casualty situation, and within 45 minutes Craig Joint Theater Hospital here went from a 41-bed facility to a more than 100-bed facility, equipped and ready to receive patients.

Staff members at Craig Hospital, the primary military medical treatment facility for the entire country, prepared for surge operations that required a quick reaction force to implement proper security measures for the hospital and to prepare additional assistance areas for a mass influx of patients, said Capt. James McDaniel, the 455th EMDG/TF-MED medical readiness officer.

To assess care needs and ensure the hospital was not flooded with a large number of minimal-care patients, Soldiers from the 82nd Airborne and 30th MEDCOM set up a triage unit at the airfield's passenger terminal.

Sergeant Fassler explained that once initial assessments were made, individuals requiring medical attention were loaded onto busses and transported to the hospital. Remaining individuals were transported to an area where they received further assistance from coalition staff members.

Sergeant Fassler pointed out that normally with a battlefield injury the patient comes directly from the field to the medical facility.

"We perform various battle drills that prepare us for these types of situations," he said. "This is unique because we are receiving patients from an event that happened seven hours ago and they will be clinically cold and some have varying phases of hypothermia and frostbite so this is a complete non-battlefield-related injury situation."

Sergeant Fassler added that the highly trained staff at the medical facility is prepared to receive as many patients as are sent, and the real challenge is getting the patients from a remote location with avalanche covered roads and no clear places to land helicopters.

In addition to the Craig Hospital staff, medical and nonmedical volunteers flooded the area to assist with patient care, litter carry, security and a host of other duties.

Captain McDaniel pointed out that there was a group of Afghan medical professionals who were vital to assisting the injured.

Local Afghan doctors with varying backgrounds, from internal medicine to an orthopedic surgeon, happened to be participating in a trauma mentorship program at the hospital and jumped in to provide care to many of the patients.

"This experience is important so they can see how we prepare for medical emergencies of this magnitude," Captain McDaniel said.

He also explained the importance of the Afghan medical professionals as interpreters and liaisons to the patients in a cultural capacity.

"For some of the patients coming from remote areas of Afghanistan, this may be their first and only interaction with coalition forces," the captain said. "The importance lies in the fact that we are professional and sensitive to their cultural needs. The assistance we receive from the Afghans helps to convey the respect and professionalism these people need and deserve."

The Afghan providers played a vital role in providing medical care to their own people. It was evident the local-national patients were more comfortable being treated by their fellow countrymen.

"We have had doctors and medics from all over the post coming to assist, and that is important because this was a Bagram Airfield-wide emergency not just a Craig Joint Hospital issue," Sergeant Fassler said.
Army Lt. Col. Joe Marsiglia, the TF MED-East tactical operations director, was impressed with not only the response from medical agencies on Bagram but the non-clinicians as well.

"I was amazed with the amount of assistance received from all of the units here, not just the medical personnel assigned to the hospital," he said. "When the call went out, we had volunteers from everywhere and were having to redirect assistance."

Colonel Marsiglia said no matter how much preparation goes into a training scenario, nothing prepares individuals for these types of large-scale situations and the response and support from all coalition agencies was top notch.

Walking on an F-15!!!! 25 March at 9:52PM

2010-03-25T13:39:00.000-04:00

Today I went with a group on a tour of the F-15 area. “Biff” met us and showed around the area where they get their schedules for the day. Then we went and saw the life support equipment. That’s the stuff that keeps them alive- the helmet, the night vision goggles, the survival vest that weighs about 20 pounds, and the G-suit. They got one of the girls on the tour into the G-suit and blew it up- she got pretty uncomfortable!

After that we went and listened to the pre-flight briefing regarding all the activity that had happened recently in the area we were going to. Then they showed us the “Greatest Hits’ video. That is one of my favorites! We watch them at the wing meeting as well. This is where we get to see the results of them dropping bombs on people. I know it sounds callous, but that is a great sight to see! I see the results of the enemy's handiwork every day in the torn up bodies of our soldiers. It's nice to see it's not one sided.

I’ll tell you some of what they told us- all open source and not classified. There is an alert team. Goal is to be on target in 30 minutes. Our guys say that’s not good enough. They get called out for Close Air Support (CAS)- That’s the mission where the jet is supporting the guys on the ground. They can either bomb from on high or do a “show of force”, where they drop to about 500 feet and scare the CRAP out of the enemy so they scatter and stop whatever they were doing. We have guys called JTACs (Joint Tactical Aerial Controller) embedded with the Army. Our guys are the ones who call in the plane when they are pinned down or they see something that needs shot or bombed. When the Army guys are pinned under fire, the F-15s get called to help them out. Biff says the Army guys have about 15 minutes of bullets. So 30 minutes won’t really get the job done, will it? Our guys go from hanging in the alert facility to being over target and shooting something in 15 minutes! they are very proud of that fact and I don't blame them.

They have something called terrain mapping navigation. This is where the computer watches the topography and the pilot turns over control to the airplane. He said it is the scariest feeling ever to trust your plane not to kill you. They skim along at just a couple of hundred feet off the ground as the radar looks at the ground and guides the plane. He says at night they can’t see a thing. They are going about 5 miles per minute, so there would be no time to be scared if they crashed. He said that it is so sensitive that if there is a telephone wire it will pull up. In the history of this guidance system, it has NEVER FAILED. Wow.

I also got to walk on the wing and sit in the cockpit. I had a bunch of pictures taken, which I will post a different day, since it is now after 10pm and I have to go to bed. It takes about 10 min to upload a pic. If it works. Last night I tried to upload a ramp ceremony pic I got off the web, but it wouldn’t go. Besides the other turmoil I have been going through the last couple of days (leadership stuff that I’ll post in a few weeks when it’s all over), today was a great Air Force day.

Fallen Comrade 18 Mar at 10:20PM

2010-03-24T12:57:00.001-04:00

Today I witnessed my first Fallen Comrade Ceremony. Remember the rocket attack we had earlier in the week that killed the civilian? Turns out he was a Bosnian who was a fire fighter and working side by side with our active duty guys. Today they had the ceremony where his coffin was transferred to the airplane that would take him home to his family. There was a long procession of fire trucks and other vehicles that came out to where the plane was waiting. They lined up, forming a column that the casket was carried through. The entire fire department was also lined up on either side to watch the casket proceed. Then all the fire fighters went and made a formation behind the ramp of the airplane while four men and the chaplain went up into the belly of the aircraft with the fallen fireman and performed a small ceremony. There were several of us from the hospital who went and we lined up separately so we could pay our respects, but we were not in their “family’s” business. Then the fire department saluted as the ramp of the airplane closed. When it was over, they fell out of formation and walked away, some hugging, some had been crying, and others were stoic- not talking at all. One man told me he had trained the Bosnian over 10 years ago and they had worked, played and essentially lived together, as firemen do, for those 10 years.

I will do many more of these while I’m here. Most are in the middle of the night. All are solemn. All represent a fallen hero who is going home to his family.

Pink Mist Written the week of 14 March

2010-03-22T12:26:00.000-04:00

If you are a Grey’s Anatomy fan, you remember the Pink Mist episode. We had our own small version of that today. Two men came in after an IED hit about 30 minutes away. They had both been seen at the Forward Operating Base (FOB) where we have Forward Surgical Teams (FST). One had a CT scan there and another had his huge abdominal wound packed with dressings and a gigantic external fixator on his leg to prevent the shattered bones from moving around. The idea of the FST is to do immediate life saving care about 10-40 min from the time of injury and then get them to us as fast as possible. Sometimes it’s over the road, sometimes by chopper, usually by plane. The pt with the head injury was whisked away to the OR. I was in my office picking the brain of one of the Special Ops guys, so I didn’t go to this trauma. Turns out that he had a CT of his head showing a foreign body, but it wasn’t clear exactly what it was. While the team was in the room prepping him for surgery, the radiologist was looking at the CT we had done. His heart must have stopped. But not for long, because he leaped up and instantaneously found the surgeon and told him what it was. It was what we call a UXO- unexploded ordinance. That can be anything. We are doctors and nurses. We don’t do UXO! We see it, isolate it, and call it in. We practice this over and over again outside looking at stuff lyining in the GRASS during Wing Exercises. You just don’t expect to find one in a guy’s head. So the alert was put out, the OR was evacuated except for essential personnel (by this time the other guy was in the other OR crashing with an undetectable blood pressure), and the personnel who were left had flak vests and helmets brought to them. We set up guards to divert foot traffic away from the OR and called the EOD (Explosive Ordinance Disposal). On the CT it looked like a 50 caliber bullet, but it had unusual looking stuff in it. Sounds low risk, right? But like I said- we’re doctors and nurses. That is not for us to figure out! The EOD guys showed up and told us yes, that’s what it was. A Russian one, it turns out. On the CT, it looked like a bullet, with a small bit of trapped air in the point, then a pointy bit of stuff behind that (what the radiologist called a “lipstick appearance”- like lipstick in a tube) and then some the casing was full of stuff that was not metal. That’s about all you can tell on xray. The EOD said that it was activated by the projectile striking an object, then the air is forced onto the fuze (yes, that’s how you spell it), which was the lipstick point. Then the fuel inside explodes. This kind of exploding bullet is outlawed by the Geneva Conventions. He said no worries- just take the thing out and hand it to one of them. I just had one question. What if it does go off for some reason- it drops on the floor or just spontaneously explodes for no reason- what is the worst that would happen? Big explosion or little? They said little. So the doc and the EOD guy go to the OR and the surgeon removes the thing from the guy’s head. It was very impressive on CT- it had penetrated just under the top right side of his skull. It had lifted a piece of bone, like when the dog hides something under the edge of the carpet. He had a small amount of brain bleeding as well. Incredibly, he’ll probably be fine after he wakes up out of his coma. Amazing.

I have never forgotten that Pink Mist episode. In it, the EOD guy explodes in the hallway after carrying the UXO out of the ER. Turns out that maybe our reaction was overkill for just a sdmall exploding bullet. But my pledge was to do my best to get every member of my team home intact- mentally and physically. This was a good opportunity to practice something we don’t do often and we have a few lessons learned to incorporate next time it happens. Most of all though, I was very impressed with everyone’s quick reaction and their willingness to do whatever needed to be done. From the nurse who refused to leave the OR because his patient next door was dying, to the airmen who stood in the hallway with their M-16s, making sure no one got past them into the danger zone, to the surgeon who risked it all to do the operation. I have a great team here. And every day something happens that I have never seen before…I wonder how long that will last?

the 4th one looks like the one we got out of the guy.

Successes 21 March at 10:21AM

2010-03-21T02:10:00.000-04:00

I just finished running 6 miles. Mile 6 was uncomfortable, but not nearly as miserable as mile 5 was last week! I feel great! It was really dusty and I could hardly see the mountains because of the dust in the air....but I guess I'm getting used to that. It didn't really seem to bother me that much. And I am finding things to look at (I get really bored when I run). There is some construction on base and they have made some progress since last week. There's a road I'm thinking about running next week that goes right next to the perimeter fence. Should be safe in the daytime, except for the little kids throwing rocks. I need to start taking a camera with me. I saw some flowers I wanted to take a picture of. If it turns out well, I'll post the pics and my thoughts- they are in a very interesting place.

The other success is that for the first time in my life (EVER!) I have lost weight accidentally. I generally get really annoyed by people who can do that. The genes on both sides of my family favor large women. There are only a couple of reasons I'm not everweight- Jack insists on it, I can't stand the thought of it because it would slow me down and be unhealthy, and I exercise like a crazy woman. Even on the rare occasions that I get sick, I don't lose weight. In fact, since one of my stages of hunger is nausea (hungry feeling, hunger pains/twisting, headache, nausea, grouchy), I think my body interprets every single from my gut area as hunger. Whenever I feel yucky, I think food will help. And it usually does! Weird.

Anyway, I have not had a scale in 3 weeks. OK- we do have scales in the hospital, but I wear different clothes all the time, with a 4.5 pound gun, without the gun, sometimes in ABUs, sometimes in PTU (PT Uniform), sometimes in the morning when I remember and sometimes in the afternoon. How am I supposed to keep track like that? I like to have my own scale in my own place at the same time every day. The women reading this will understand. Anyway, my scale finally arrived- I lost 3 pounds in 3 weeks! WOW!!!!!!! And I was afraid I was eating too much at meals. But I am eating 3/4 of a tray of veggies and a little meat. And most of the meat is not that good, so I am only eating bits of the stuff I love the best. I feel terrible throwing food away, though. I bet the food we throw away on this base could feed the whole country. It's crazy. I wonder what the Afghans who work here think? I have seen them eat gigantic piles of bread and fruit- something I bet they cannot get at home.

Anyway, just wanted to share my run and diet successes. Since it's Sunday, it's time now to clean my room (sweep, mop,and take out the trash- it's already neat), then go to lunch, then go to work, check off another week on my countdown list and write letters and watch the shows Jack sent me on DVD (thanks, honey!!), then drop off laundry before I go to church at 3PM, then pick up other laundry after church, then go back to work for awhile, then go to dinner, then maybe try to Skype the family. I tried last night, but the connection was too slow- I think everyone was on the internet at the same time. I am settling into a routine here that is quite comfortable.

I am my father's daughter 20 March @ 9:40PM

2010-03-20T13:29:00.000-04:00

I'm sure you all (especially James!) will will bust a gut to hear that it only took me two weeks to cut myself with my new knife. The knife I keep clipped to my pocket as a tool and as personal protection is a side opening switch blade. It's military issued and perfectly legal (so I'm told). Well, it switched open (blade pointing up) while I was sitting on the floor talking to someone today and I didn't notice. I got up and walked out of the room and reached down to adjust and BAM! Next thing I know I was dripping blood. Thankfully, I was right across from the ER. I washed it off and asked for a Band-aid and the doc had the bright idea of some Dermabond- skin Super Glue. It looked great for awhile, now it has opened up again.

I only laugh because I somehow manage to slice a finger several times per year. My dad has this same extraordinary talent, so I'm pretty sure it's genetic. When we were kids, he was always building something and often ended getting cut or scraped or wacking a thumb with the hammer or something. I remember one time I was helping him put in some French doors our to the deck and he somehow scraped his upper arm on a nail or something. Blood was dripping down into the saw dust stuck to his arm. It was gross and really cool all at the same time. Even back then I was sort of fascinated by blood. i like other people's more than mine, though!

And the best part about my current injury? To show people, I have to hold up my middle finger! BAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!!!!!

This is a picture of me in our front office. Completely unrelated to the cut finger. For the life of me, I can't remember why I was holding a Pepsi can.

Naming Military Operations 17 Mar @ 10PM

2010-03-17T13:35:00.000-04:00

I had always wondered about this, and today I read an article on it that I though you might enjoy.
Today at the wing staff meeting, I got to watch film of our good guys blowing up the bad guys. I LOVE watching those videos. In one, our bomb hit two guys known to be bad guys. The plane tracked them for FIVE HOURS until they were out in the clear and they would not hit anything else. Then, about an hour later, they saw a guy stumbling around the bomb site. They were 99% sure it was one of the guys they had just hit, but since they did not have eyes on that particular individual 100% of the time, they erred on the side of caution and let him go. Don't believe it if the news says we are indiscriminant. They are beyond careful.

An operation by any other name
By Lionel Beehner

I've always found the code-naming of U.S. military operations a puzzling and somewhat pointless exercise.

Some names are inspiring (Operation Noble Eagle), others less so (Operation Productive Effort). Some sound lifted from a bad '80s action flick (Operation Haven Denial), others literally are lifted from a bad '80s action flick (Operation Red Dawn). Some, like the 1983 invasion of Grenada, channel a mad man's diary (Operation Urgent Fury); others, like our 2006 southern Afghanistan invasion, sound vaguely kinky (Operation Mountain Thrust). Even the operations given foreign names, such as Operation Tawakalna Ala Allah (roughly "God help us"), do not inspire confidence.

I am reminded of this ritual because the Pentagon just renamed the Iraq war. Operation Iraqi Freedom is now — drumroll, please — Operation New Dawn. I understand the rationale to suggest we are now in the winding-down phase. A "new dawn" suggests the worst is well behind us. Yet, oftentimes this nicknaming ritual — first adopted by the Germans during World War I — is just a clever way of putting a kinder, gentler face on war. It is as much a public relations gimmick as it is a means of preserving operational security or boosting morale.

Take the 1989 invasion of Panama, originally called Operation Blue Spoon. It was renamed Operation Just Cause because the previous title did not "underscore the purpose of the operation and inspire the forces and the people back home," according to a 1995 report released by the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. The New York Times, in an editorial titled "Operation High Hokum," mocked the name change, saying that "sometimes the margin between necessity and excess can be thin indeed, as reflected by the code names for military operations."

Code names originate partly from a Pentagon computer that spits out random word combinations, partly from midranking officers lobbing suggestions, which then must go up the chain of command for approval. Some are kept quiet, for security reasons, yet others become part of the popular vernacular (Operation Desert Storm).

There are classics of the genre (Operation Barbarossa — the Nazis' 1941 invasion of the USSR), as well as duds (the computer-generated Operation Blue Spoon). They range in their Winston-Churchillean bravado, though, as the British leader once quipped, they should never imply "overconfident sentiment," yet nor should a mother have to say that "her son was killed in an operation called 'Bunnyhug' or 'Ballyhoo' ."

Sure, Operation Iraqi Freedom sounds nobler than Cobra II, the name given to the ground invasion and spinoff of the World War II operation to liberate France (proving that the Pentagon, like Hollywood, is fond of sequels). Former commander Tommy Franks wanted to call the campaign Operation Desert Freedom, writes Spencer Ackerman in The Washington Independent, but "then someone thought that the rest of the Arab world would take 'Desert Freedom' to mean 'The Americans are invading here next' and thought better of it."

Maybe the code-naming of future military operations should be thrown open to the public or put to a vote. That might lend the ritual a refreshing air of honesty. Operation New Dawn might be renamed Operation Hit The Exits, or Operation Get Outta Dodge (although let's pray Operation Mountain Thrust is not renamed Operation Keep On Thrusting).

There is nothing wrong with code-naming wars to garner public support. But it should not serve as bureaucratic window dressing for fiascoes such as Iraq.

An administration that wisely tossed the "war on terror" term into the dustbin of nomenclature history should know better.

Lionel Beehner, a freelance writer, is a member of USA TODAY's board of contributors.
Posted at 12:15 AM/ET, March 17, 2010 in Beehner, Forum commentary, Military issues - Forum
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on the way to bagram from Manas 7 March @ 0200

2010-03-16T15:45:00.000-04:00

Pictures 17 March @midnight- I should be sleeping!

2010-03-16T15:32:00.000-04:00

16 March @ 11PM

2010-03-16T14:51:00.000-04:00

Nothing too exciting today. The ER was actually quiet today. For awhile. Then we got 2 traumas- M-RAP IED and 4 more on the way from another base through the aerovac system. I spent a lot of time doing routine commanderly stuff like reading email, editing a medal, writing a civilian appraisal for back at Shaw. I helped fold the roof of a tent. Spent awhile eating lunch. Spent a while eating dinner. Took my predecessor to the PAX terminal to get on an airplane home- yay for him! Ran 4 miles this AM. Tried to pick up my laundry, but they were closed at lunch- argh! Walked around and met some new people in my squadron. Tried understand the aerovac system and make sure the number of missions we do now will be adequate this summer when we get busy (it won't) and they we can get more when we need them (we can) and that we have enough people to enter all the stuff in the computer to get the pts on the airplane (we don't) but that they had a plan to get more people trained (they didn't) and helped them understand how to do that (they do now!). I've also come to learn that having only a certain number of beds does not mean that we are full. They will keep coming and we will put cots all over the place and call more airplanes to come get more patients and they will come- we have about 30 going out tonight. They go out in the cargo hold of a military plane. You know how you complain when you can;t sleep in a regular hospital? Or your pillow is not so fluffy? Or the food sucks? Picture being in the dark, in the cargo hold of a plane, with ear plugs in so you don't go deaf. Maybe in ICU status. One guy had a heart attack and is on drips and stuff. Others have had surgery just a few hours before. Or they have a concussion. Or maybe they just have knee pain and are going to Landstuhl to get looked at. Anyway- it's a 7 hour flight- yuck.

I talk to tons of people- that I sit next to at lunch, stand next to in the BX. The outside the wire guys are pretty nonchalant about what they do. One Army guy is here waiting on his ride home. He has been here 9 months and his job was to be in the lead M-RAP as his Provincial Reconstruction Team (PRT) goes around village to village. He is lucky- the walls around his turret went higher than most. Good thing, because as they drove through towns, the roofs of the buildings were slightly higher than him. So they could look down on him- how scary. The PRTs are supposed to have a team called a clearing package. They clear the way, look for mines, take the first IED, etc. His team did not have one, so he was it. He had these things on the front of the vehicle called the rollers- they would roll over pressure plated IEDs and explode them. One of them was so strong it blew the roller right off. Another time, an insurgent fired an RPG at him and it missed. He said he learned a new tactic that day- Aug 27th last year- the guy jumped and ran ahead to another one he had placed. This time, he didn't miss. The turrent went up in flames. All my new friend got was some shrapnel in his knee, although he couldn;t believe he was still alive. Probably what kept it from being worse was the RPG cage around the vehicle- they get stuck in there before the full force hits the skin of the vehicle. He got hit 7 times in 9 months. Now he's here. I started talking to him because he had 3 Red Bulls in his hand at the BX. He said they became his best friend out on missions. Now he is safe, and he is tired all the time. I think his body must be in rest mode. It's had enough excitement and it wants to chill out. Amazing stories and I'm sure I'll hear more of them.

If I can figure out how, I'll post some pics I took recently.

First Serious Trauma 15 March @ 9PM

2010-03-15T12:54:00.000-04:00

This AM we had a rocket attack on base. One foreign contractor killed while he slept, two American Contractors with minor injuries. I get paged when we get attacked- this was my first one. The drill is get ready as fast as possible, then throw on body armor (Individual Body Armor- IBA) and helmet and get to work. Hospital personnel can use our badge to get around on base when others are stuck where they are- just like any other base. I think we'll be seeing a lot more of these as the summer heats up. I am in a hardened dorm on the first floor and my bed is on the opposite side of the room from the window- so don't worry- I'm pretty safe.

Later in the ER, we got a local national who was attacked by a landmine. That's the story anyway. He had left facial injuries and his right arm was nearly blown off at the elbow. Now, how does a landmine blow off your arm and the opposide side of your face? Most people step on landmines. We don't know yet (and I might be able to tell you when I do know), but it's awfully suspicious to me. I suspect he was either poking it with a stick (maybe doing some kind of mine clearing activity?) or he was building something and it blew up in his hand. I'm trying to picture how that would happen and it seems less likely. I'm going with the stick poking theory. Anyway, he came in from off base with a tournequet on and the rest of his arm below the elbow was just a hanging piece of meat. They ended up having to amputate due to the severity of the injury. He'll probably lose an eye as well. But if our hospital were not here, he would have probably died.

It is amazing to see the appreciation of the guys that depend on us to take care of them. The ones who come visit their buddies have great respect for what we do. And we respect them for what they do as well.....none of us wants to be out where they are! If a person makes it to us alive, he has a 99% chance of leaving alive. Amazing.

I saw my first Purple Heart Ceremony the other day. It was amazing. These two guys were all beat up lying in their bed or sitting in a chair and the commanding general and command chief came over to present their medals. It was a very moving simple little ceremony. They will both leave the AOR and go home to recuperate. Everyone in the hospital treats them as heroes.

Arriving at Bagram 3-7-10 @ 730PM

2010-03-14T13:04:00.001-04:00

Left Manas last night and flew to Bagram. It was relatively uneventful except that I had to carry an extra bag that most others didn’t. First, we had to find our own bags out in the logistics load yard. In the dark. We were told to check the bins for our names and then in that bin would be our bags. My name wasn’t on any bin. So another girl and I saw a bin with a bunch of bags in it going to Bagram and she and I jumped in and started throwing bags out and calling people’s names to come get them. That’s where nearly all the bags were, even though most of our names were not on the list.

Then it was time to load the bags onto the pallets. We were supposed to fly in a C-17, which is a huge plane that has plenty of seats and cargo room. That one was diverted for mission reasons and we ended up taking a C-130 instead. Which has much less seating room and WAY much less cargo space. The pallet builder explained the situation and told everyone with 3 bags to consolidate to two if they could. Then we still had too many bags, so he suggested that everyone with three bags come pick up one of their bags to carry onto the plane with them. No one moved. I waited for the troop commander (a Lt Col doctor) to tell people to get moving, but he didn’t. The pallet builder was visibly annoyed- he had a schedule to keep and he needed to get moving. When no one did anything, he told us that they would build the pallets and whatever was left over would need to be carried on. Well guess whose bag was one of those! Yeah- mine! The one person who only had ONE bag and one of the two people who threw the other bags out of the bin. Good grief! I think my patience is being tested on this trip.

While in the air, I had to go to the bathroom. What an interesting activity if you are on a cargo plane. The toilet is there so you don’t make a mess on the plane, not for your comfort. The guys have it easy- they just walk up to it and pee in the receptacle. To turn it into a toilet, they pull down this seat, as well as a step to get to the seat and a curtain to cover your butt while you pee. I said “cover your butt”. That’s because it doesn’t go all the way around and cover the front and your head sticks out as well in front of the curtain. I had to go, so I didn’t care! The guys were kind enough to look the other way while I went. It was relatively dark anyway, but I was the only female who went on the plane.

I arrived at Bagram at about 3AM. We got in processed, and then were supposed to get met by our unit reps. Mine didn’t show up. I found out later that they were supposed to get a call, but no one did. Oh well. I knew the drill. Get your billeting room, get your linens, and then wander around in the dark and try to find your room. Get to said room, creep quietly and try not to wake the other occupants of the room. There were three others in my room and although I was quiet at 0500, they were a bit stressed to find they had a new roommate. I would have been as well. I assured them it was only one night until my unit got my room situation sorted out (they were supposed to have a room reserved for me, but it wasn’t). I was slightly annoyed with my new unit at this point. But while on the plane at BWI, after they lost my luggage, I had prayed for peace and no anxiety and I was not angry or stressed. Just slightly annoyed. After discovering I was assigned to a room of 3 and there was an empty room across the hall, I went back to lodging and asked the lady to move me into that room. She said she wasn’t supposed to, but as long as I was out by the next night, I could have it. I unloaded my stuff in the new room and then went off in the dark to find the dining hall (DFAC) because I was starving and needed to eat. After wandering through a maze of shacks, I found it and then couldn’t find my way in. When I did, I discovered that I could only get a sandwich- argh! Which I was not allowed to eat there. So I made my sandwich and made it back to my room without any wrong turns- I was so proud of myself! I put my head on the pillow at about 0603 and at about 0609 the first jet took off, followed by the second. “This is going to be a looooong deployment”, I thought.

I had hoped to sleep until lunch time, but I awoke at about 0800 and couldn’t go back to sleep. This after only getting about 3 hours the night before. I got up and showered and went to went to the DFAC for lunch, but I got there 20 min before it opened. I had taken a newspaper to read while I ate. The guy told me I couldn’t come in yet. I told him I had just got off the plane and had nowhere to go while I waited (the dorm was a 10 min walk away-pointless). He said I could come in a sit down. Then some other guy told me the same thing after I sat down. He said I could have a sandwich. I said in my firmest Don’t Mess With Me voice, “I was here too early and had a sandwich for breakfast. I just got off an airplane. I’m starving and I have nowhere else to wait. I’m going to sit in that corner and read my paper until you open.” I must have looked over the edge, because he backed off and left me alone.

After lunch, I went to work, found someone in the hallway that I happened to know from another base and asked where my office was and then started my in processing. Turns out, they knew I was coming and left a message to be called, and the message was lost. They had a room for me that the lodging office couldn’t see somehow. So the guy I’m replacing and the guy who found me (who I know from previous assignment) got a truck and got my stuff and helped me move into my new room. I got the big tour, met tons of people, and then went to dinner with the Chief who is the superintendant of the med group. I also know him from a previous base. Then another guy joined us, as well as the group exec, who I ALSO know from a previous base. We laughed and told stories and had a great dinner.

Now, I’m writing this is in bed, airing out my smallpox, and wondering when I’ll ever to get to publish my posts since there is no public internet here. I have to wait until I get internet in my room. Should be within the next week or so. Now, I’m going to finish the iPod movie I started on the plane, eat my pie for dessert, and then take an Ambien and read Steven King until I fall asleep. Newcomers Orientation is tomorrow.

Contrasts 3-6-10 @ 9:07PM

2010-03-13T13:44:00.000-05:00

Tonight I am leaving Manas. As I was walking through the base with my linens in my arms, my back pack on my back and my briefcase slung over my shoulder, I passed the local club, Pete’s, blasting music. It was a catchy tune; some of you may have heard it- “Stanky Leg”. I was grooving to the beat as I walked past, listening to the crowd inside whooping and hollering and having a great time. As I walked on, I came to another sound of music, nearly as rowdy, with some great drum beats and some awesome singing. These were live voices, not a CD. There was clapping, and singing, and shouting. This one I lingered at. It was coming from the Chapel. I dropped off my linens and checked out of my room and then went back to listen to the gospel music for a few minutes before I had to report for my flight.

It struck me that both groups were having an equally good time, in completely different ways. And probably the people frequenting each would not be comfortable in the one they weren’t in. And I felt better for some reason knowing that also I could enjoy the first on occasion, it was the second I preferred.

Can't Sleep!! 3-6-10 @ 0430

2010-03-12T12:51:00.001-05:00

It’s 0430 and for some reason, I can’t sleep- so I think I’ll write.

Today I went to the small clinic here at Manas to see a nurse anesthetist that I know from Yokota. I saw him at dinner the other night. I was surprised to see him here because this is such a small base- I was wondering why they would put someone with his skills here as a clinical nurse. When I got to the clinic, he wasn't there so I asked to meet the doc- Turns out it was a resident that I trained who stayed on at Offutt to teach. i found out that the Manas clinic has a small surgical capability because they are so remote from medical care.

The clinic was very nice by deployed standards- it was just built a couple of years ago. Before that it was in a tent. Dr Cooper says in the two months he has been here, he has assisted with an appendectomy, a serious leg fracture, treated a woman who was unconscious from a car crash, and treated a serious case of pancreatitis. They also had a visit from local Kyrgyzstani doctors who wanted to come see a modern American hospital. A modern American hospital! It was a dinky little clinic with one OR bed and one "inpatient" bed. But to them, it was incredible. It was a good exchange program.

Speaking of exchange programs, the nurse anesthetist suggested that he’d like to come to Bagram a get some more experience and be a bit busier for a couple of weeks and maybe his counterpart there would like to do the same thing. That sounds like an interesting idea. I’ll have to check it out. I think the logistic will be a challenge- the Bagram provider will have to come here first because they can’t be without one here, and the air travel will have to be worked out, but it seems like a great idea right now.

OK- going to bed. This looks to be a bit incoherent, but what do you expect at 0430????

Ground Rules for Blogging in the AOR

2010-03-11T13:29:00.000-05:00

The AOR is the Area of Responsibility- that's what we call the deployed location.

As you can see from the previous one, most of my posts will be after-the-fact. I can't give travel info while I'm traveling. There are enemy ears out there who would love to shoot down an American plane full of military service members. You can't even call the airport (the "PAX terminal"- stands for passenger terminal) until the day of and find out the schedule.

I can't tell you how many people are stationed here, how many injured we get, how many air evac's (evacuations) we have. Anything that tells of troop movements ahead of time or announces our capabilities to the enemy- I can't tell you that. But I can tell you bits and pieces after it happens.

I've been here 5 days now and it's almost easy to forget we are in a war zone. But we are. There are people trying to get on the base all the time who want to kill us. We take care of patients in the hospital who would kill my doctors in a second if they could. But they give absolute 100% compassionate care that is completely equal to the care the Americans get. The wounded Afghans get a guardian who stays with them for the length of their recuperation- we feed the injured and their guardian 3 meals a day. I'll have a lot more to say about this topic in the future as I learn more, but I am already impressed at the professionalism of my people.

Suffice it to say that you will get a great flavor of life at Bagram Air Base, but I won't be telling you any numbers or stats that you can't get on the news. Hope you enjoy following this blog!

Traveling to Afghanistan- written 3-5-10 at 4:30PM

2010-03-11T13:19:00.000-05:00

Wow. This travel thing has really tested my patience. I was TDY last week when I got word by email that my travel dates had been moved from late in the week to early in the week. So, I only had one duty day back before I had to go. I managed to get all my stuff packed up and finished out processing in time to go. James had wanted to go to the airport with me and we left a bit late, so I was really stressed that I would get to the airport too late. But Jack drove like a demon and we made it just fine. But the flight was cancelled! I knew I needed to get to Baltimore for the military flight out because there was not another flight for a week. Remember that- it becomes important later! They were able to get me on a flight through Philadelphia and on to Baltimore that would get me there just in time.

Have you ever had the experience of standing at the baggage carousel waiting for your bags, and seeing the crowd get thinner and thinner and then you are the only one standing there? And then the conveyor belt stops? If not, then good for you. Because that means that your bags are not on that flight. That’s what happened to me. All three of my bags and all two of another guy’s deployment bags were still in Philly and would not make it to Baltimore until the next day. By then, we would be on our way to Afghanistan. Great. I filed a claim and the lady said that they would put my bags on the next military flight- a week later. I told her I was very upset that my bags were lost. She replied,"they're not LOST, we KNOW where they are." I almost punched her in thes throat. Good thing I packed my “72 hour bag” and had it with me! Lesson to the wise- #1- pack a 1 week bag, not a 72 hr bag. #2- put feminine supplies (a woman can never predict what stress will do to her body!), a PT uniform and an extra T-shirt in the bag next time! Other than that, I have everything I need for awhile.

I make it to the military flight just in time to board. That flight went very smoothly. I had expected to stop in Manas Air Base, Kyrgyzstan next. But we stopped at Ramstein Air Base, Germany. I had about 10 minutes to visit the USO and grab some "supplies" (God bless the USO ladies!) and then we were off again. I had expected to stop in Manas Air Base, Krygistan next. But we stopped at Incirlik Air Base, Turkey. I had expected to stop in Manas Air Base, Kyrgyzstan next. And we did. We landed in the early AM, got a bunch of briefings and then I got the key to my room and some linens. I was able to buy a small microfiber towel that is kind of like a chamois- it works great. I could have bought a PT uniform, but I had no shoes to go with it, so that was kind of pointless. My plan is to borrow a set when I get to Bagram and my Squadron. And a uniform T-shirt. The one I’m wearing will start to smell funny soon.

So far, I’m not sure where my bags are. I tried to call the facility in Baltimore, but they’re closed now. I’ll try later. The US Airways lady told me they’d send my bags to the military facility. The military facility told me they’d put them on the next military flight next week (remember that from the beginning of the saga?). The people here at Manas told me it happens that way some times and other times they end up on a commercial flight and end up in the commercial airport here in Krygyzstan and then they call the base because they recognize the bags as American and the Americans MUST know what to do with them. And they do. So we’ll just have to see.

Good Vs Great

2010-03-01T23:24:00.000-05:00

The events of the last few days have really reminded me something. I knew this before, but I never really put together in this sort of thought process.

If you want to be good at something- just get it done. Be reliable. Don't make people ask twice.

If you want to be great at something, do all of the above. but let the person you're serving know what's going on. Tell them the next step, and the one after that. Know WHY things are done the way they are, so that when something unexpected occurs, you can work around it. Or if you just don't like it, you have a better chance of fixing it. Keep promises. Don't assume an email is communication. Call and follow up.

Put yourself in the shoes of the other person and anticpate their needs and their questions- answer them and explain before they have a chance to ask.

That's how to be great and not just good.

We’ve Been to a Gajillion Countries!

2010-02-23T08:58:00.002-05:00

OK, maybe not a gajillion. But we were counting at breakfast one morning and my kids have been to 13 countries, Jack has been to 16, and after my deployment, I will have been to 23. Wow! In school every time they talk about a new place, James’ classmates ask him if he’s been there. A few weeks ago, Heather’s Spanish teacher told her that French is the hardest language to learn. Heather begged to differ. I suppose if you have spent your life in South Carolina and now you are still there teaching high school, you may think French is pretty hard. But my ninth grader who spent a year in Japanese class- learning to read it, write it, and speak it, can tell you that Japanese is way harder than French. And she did it is 7th grade. They told her she would get high school credit for it. Well, she can get elective credit, but this school insists they have to have 3 yrs of the same language, so it doesn’t count for her high school language. Oh well.

I think it’s really cool that because of the military, we have been able to give our kids such a great childhood that includes traveling to exotic countries like Australia, Thailand and China, as well as more typical ones like England, Germany and Italy. It’s really hard on them when we move and they have to learn a whole new area and they have to make new sets of friends, but I know that they will always have fond memories of the places they have been. It’s also an incredible way to learn that America is not the center of the universe and to see first-hand that there are starving kids in the world who would love to have their vegetables. Or their cell phone, or their iPods, or their bikes. Or a bed. Or any number of things that we take for granted. I read the other day that 60% of the world lives on less than $2.50 per day. That is amazing. We are so rich and so lucky to be living in the greatest country on the face of the earth. I hope my kids grow up appreciating that.

Figured out how to leave a comment!

2010-02-20T18:34:00.002-05:00

I fixed it so you can leave a comment anonymously. You can sign your name or you can figure out how to use one of the other "IDs" that are choices in the comment section. But "anonymou" definitely works!

A Thought on Thoughts

2010-02-20T17:56:00.000-05:00

If you’ve been reading this blog over the last month, you may notice that I seem to start in one direction and then head in a completely different direction. I’ll tell you how that happens. When I sit down to write, I only have a vague notion of what I’m going to say. I read the other day that the difference between an introvert and an extrovert is how they think and make decisions. An introvert thinks things over in their mind and then comes to a decision and then shares it out loud. The extrovert thinks out loud, talking as they go. As they talk, they clarify how they feel about a topic. That’s me. This very paragraph is an example in point- I only had the opening sentence planned. Until an instant before I wrote it, I had no idea that I would tell you the difference between introverts and extroverts. I just think out loud on this blog and then my thoughts solidify.

In the last blog, Deployment Planning, my intent was to tell you about what goes into getting ready to deploy. That will have to wait for another day. Because what came out was my feelings about taking care of people and how important I hold that responsibility and musings regarding resiliency. A few days ago, I did not know when I started that I would end up discussing happy cows and happy dinner. But I did. And I felt better for it.

So, thank you for going on this thought journey with me. This blog has been good for me to get my thoughts out and to help me clarify how I feel about things. I have a gajillion thoughts in my head all day and it helps to be able to get them out. Some people journal. I never really liked that. I read for my medical management class recently that a person should write uncensored for 10 minutes every day. That sounds like an incredible chore to me! So I write when I feel like it, about things that seem important to me at the time and hopefully you will remain interested. I hope that as the deployment progresses, I will be able to share about the lives of airman in a combat zone: Thoughts, fears, accomplishments, and hopes. We have great Americans doing great things and I can’t wait to tell you about them!

Prepping for Deployment

2010-02-20T17:53:00.000-05:00

Well, the time is getting close. I’ve got my uniforms and they have all the stuff sewn on them. I just need to soak them in Permethrin for 3 hours- it’s a mosquito repellent and lasts through several washings. Afghanistan has malaria and malaria is spread by mosquitoes. We take medications to prevent malaria, but it’s better to never get bitten by the evil vector in the first place. I’ve got long underwear, but it’s made for men and does not fit my body type at all, so I’ll be leaving that home. They also gave me knee and elbow pads. I just can’t imagine what I will do with those! I bought four new sets of PT uniforms, including some new sweatshirts. We are not allowed to wear any civilian clothes, only uniforms or PT uniforms. And laundry is unreliable, so it’s hard to predict if you send some away, when it will come back! I’ve got two gigantic duffle bags to put it all in, plus a couple of awesome military backpacks. When I return home from TDY next week, I’ll go through all my personal items and see what else I need. Yesterday, I went over to public health and then to my doc in flight medicine and got six months of my few personal meds and my malaria prevention meds. I have never come home with a shopping bag full of drugs before! I felt like an elderly person! It would be nice to think that I could get a resupply while there, but that might be possible.

I’ve talked to the person I’ll be replacing and he says I’ll be in a dorm building with my own room. Most of the personnel are in “B-huts”. Not sure what an A-hut or a C-hut is, but a B-hut is a plywood building with walls that do not go all the way to the top and about 6-8 people live there. It’s freezing in winter and boiling in summer. It’s best to take ear plugs. Conversations are not private and people basically get sick of being near each other. I guess being a commander will have its privileges. I’ll also have access to cable and internet in the room if I want to pay for it.

Yesterday I sat with our psychologist for about 30 minutes and discussed resiliency. It’s an interesting concept. PTSD is caused by extraordinary events happening to ordinary people. But not everyone exposed to trauma gets PTSD. The reasons why have been getting a lot of attention recently. There is a theory that some people are naturally more resilient than others and thus are more resistant to the effects of trauma. Optimists are more resilient than pessimists. People with strong family ties are more resilient than those who don’t have that. And people who engage in positive self talk do better as well. I think I’m pretty resilient. I tend to get over things pretty quickly, sometimes faster than I think I should. Sometimes I feel I should care more than I do and wonder maybe something is wrong because I don’t. My concern is that as the commander, the one responsible for the well being of my airmen, I want to be able to help my people be resilient. I want to be able to recognize when they are not doing well and to help them get help when they need it. That is the main function of a commander. Anyone can run meetings, set policy, and sign paperwork. But the main job of the commander is to take care of their people, both professionally and personally.

In my last command, I would frequently exhort my airmen to be careful and not get hurt, because I couldn’t imagine having to make the phone call home to tell their mother what had happened to them. I never said it out loud, but I really was concerned that it would happen on my watch and that there might been something I could have done to prevent it and would have carried guilt forever. My goal for this deployment is to take great care of patients and to take great care of my airmen. I want them to go home intact- both physically and mentally. The patients already come to us damaged, but if I can take care of the folks who take care of them, then I will be successful.

Dumb Animals

2010-02-18T21:13:00.000-05:00

This is the quote on my horse calendar this month (Thanks, Jack!)
"They are called dumb animals. And so they are, for they cannot tell us what is wrong. But they do not suffer less because they have no words." Black Beauty (Anna Sewell)

That's one of my favorite books. It just breaks my heart how the animals are treated. They are running a commercial right now for some animal charity and it shows all these horrible pictures of suffering animals while playing sad music. If I actually watch, it chokes me up every time. I just can't bear the thought of animals suffering.

So how/why do I eat meat? I tried to be a vegetarian once- that lasted 3 days. I love meat. But I want my meat to be happy before I eat it. I want to eat a cow, but I want it to live a happy cow life, muching placidly on grass with other happy cows. Cows should not eat grain- they make too much gas and then get sick and have to go on antibiotics so they don't get an infection and die before they are the right size to be dinner. They shouldn't be crowded into some horrible feedlot where they have no room to move. And they should not be shoved into a chute before they before they are (maybe ineffectively) killed. They should be happy grass munchers until they walk pleasantly into a place where they are suddenly and painlessly zapped to death and then butchered in a sanitary way that doesn't blow their bone marrow into my dinner. And if that means I would pay more for that meat- so be it. I buy a lot of my meat now from the Farm Store up the road. Their chickens walk on grass and eat bugs and lay happy eggs. The goats and sheep eat grass and live outside and are happy. When they go to the slaughter house, they are gently ushered in and the meat picker (Mike) would get yelled at by slaughter lady if he rushes them in or stresses them or uses any tool to force them in. She doesn't want them to have stress hormones in their blood when they are sacrificed. So yes, it costs more, but I'm happy to know my dinner was happy.

Communication

2010-02-14T13:32:00.000-05:00

Egads! Is there any area in a relationship more fraught with danger than communication? My husband and I get a long great. We used to talk about all kinds of things like our dreams, hopes and fears. Seems that now we now the answers to those questions, there’s not a whole lot to talk about except the business of life. What time do the kids need to be at their sports? What time are we going to our friends’ house over the weekend? What’s for dinner and who’s cooking it? But one thing we have discovered over the years is that we think completely differently. There is no possible way that I could guess how he will think about a plan. I know his values and I know his politics. But when it comes to the process of thinking….that’s where it all falls apart. If we get separated and I assume that we’ll just meet back we start, he’ll assume we will meet back where we were supposed to end. If I think a problem through in one direction, he’ll invariably think it through a different way. And goodness! It’s that different way that causes so much trouble!

I was reading the difference today between thinking styles. He is very detail oriented and takes things one step at a time and in order. I’m more of a big picture person. I prefer to make plans and leave the details to someone else, if it’s going to take a long time. Maybe that’s where part of the problem is. Plus, in a discussion, we have to have the “he said, she said” autopsy of the conversation when there’s a miscommunication. He says he wants to prove who’s right. I think he needs to prove he’s right! But I think another problem is that I think things in my head and I think I said them out loud, but I didn’t. I can understand how that might cause some consternation!

Oh well. As I look over this, it looks like just a bunch of random thoughts about communication differences. That’s Ok. This is a blog, not a scientific journal!

What's in a Ring?

2010-02-12T21:01:00.000-05:00

About a year ago, I crashed my bike and broke my wedding ring. The band was cracked. A ruby had fallen out. The prongs on the diamond were bent and the diamond was in danger of falling out. The ring had already been repaired several times due to rubies falling out and posts being bent. At one point, I had 2 more posts added because there were only 4 of them and the diamond nearly fell out once when one got bent. We bought the ring in 1987for $500- it was on sale at Christmas for ½ price. We weren’t even engaged yet, although we knew we would be soon. That’s a whole different story. Anyway, we WERE engaged shortly after and I wore that ring for 20 years until it broke. We’ve been looking for a new ring ever since.

The thing is, I was trying to find a ring where I could put the stones from the old ring into the new setting. I’m very sentimental and I wanted a piece of the old in the new. I looked and looked, but I couldn’t find something that was just right. It had to be unique. It had to special and nearly one of a kind. It had to mean something , and it had to speak to me. I have enough “stuff” in my life that now I only buy what I love. I’m also afraid of impulse purchases and buyer’s remorse. It also couldn’t cost too much, because I’m a frugalista. That’s my new word for cheapskate! I previously mentioned my first ring was $500. Well, now I make about 15 times what I made back then, but there is no way I’m paying $75,000 for a ring!!

The other problem is finding something that we both love. The good news is, we have pretty similar tastes in jewelry. That’s shocking! It took us 10 years to buy our own silverware (stainless steelware, of course) because we couldn’t agree on a pattern. It took us about 13 years to buy an entire set of matching dishes! We had been using my mom’s wedding china for years- it had a lot of pieces missing… then one day, we were at a bazaar in Japan and we saw a set we both loved. We bought enough for 12 place settings instantly because it was the first time in 18 years of marriage we saw one we both liked. So you see the problem…..

I have been to every chain jeweler in the States and a ton of private ones looking for a ring I love. I had also been to several jewelers in Japan. And Australia. I was starting to give up and was searching for a private jewelry maker. Now, here we are in the Caribbean. This is the gem stone capital of the world. Apparently, there are no taxes, everything can be bought duty free and DeBeers, which owns about 90% of the diamond mines in the world, has stores here under various names, so they cut out 2 or 3 middle men and can sell them cheaper. We spent a few hours in Jamaica looking at diamond stores and didn’t see anything we liked. We also had no intention of making an impulse purchase of a wedding ring while on our cruise. Well, I’m sure you can see where this is going! While in Grand Cayman, we had 3 hours to kill and there isn’t much else you can do in 3 hours except to shop. So we did. In about the second store, we found 4 rings that we both really liked and they were all reasonable prices. I had the lady write down the product numbers and prices on all of them. We left and looked in a bunch of other stores, mostly trying to find something that we could both agree on and maybe buy over the internet or in another store in the States or on another trip to the Caribbean next year. We were determined not to make an impulse buy. But one ring stuck in my head. And everything I looked at I compared to it. That’s when I knew I had to go see it again. So we went back to the store, looked at all 4, narrowed it down one by one. First the one Jack didn’t really like much at all went. Then the one that was my least favorite was off the table. Then we were down to 2, which were equally gorgeous, but one was the one I had been thinking of. And I kept trying to figure out a scheme to make the second one look a bit more like the one I had been thinking of. Then I did Eeny Meeny Miny Mo- which is the way I’ve settled a lot of major decisions in my life. Seriously! Once the game has determined the choice, I know in my heart whether I’m happy with the decision or whether I was hoping for a different outcome. It picked the one I had been thinking of, which as soon as it did, I knew that’s what I was hoping for. So some more comparisons. Some more angst. And then the choice was made. That one. It’s small, sort of old fashioned looking, with small diamonds going down the band on each side, and has a blue diamond in the center. Yup- a blue diamond. I have never seen one before and I doubt I’ll be seeing many in the future. It’s a regular diamond that has been irradiated to produce the blue color. Just like the pink and yellow diamonds are created. I thought they were natural, but it turns out that nearly none of them are. And this ring cost less than 6 times what my first ring cost- still less than most first time rings today, I think. So I got a unique ring, fit for a Frugalista!

So, back to the original question. Is it any less a wedding ring because I didn’t get it in a special ceremony? Can it be a wedding ring just because we say it is? I think so. My wedding gown was my senior prom dress. Since everyone kept asking us if we were getting married, I figured it must look like a wedding dress. And I was too cheap to spend a gajillion dollars on a dress I would never wear again. It might help to know that we got married in college and neither one of us had much money then. Plus, as I said, I’m cheap. And what to do with my old ring? I can’t just leave it in a drawer for the rest of my life. But I’m not sure I wasn’t to repair it and wear it as my wedding ring anymore, because then my new one won’t feel like my wedding ring. What to do?!?!?! I really don’t know. I’ll have to think about it. But for now, I have a new ring that is as unique as the first one (many people never realized that one was a wedding ring), was bought on a special trip, and we both love it. I think it’s symbolic of our relationship overall. We are pretty non-traditional and we don’t always do things the way others would expect us to do them. That will have to do for now.

I'm an author!

2010-02-04T21:29:00.000-05:00

So, a lot of my colleagues are these smarty types who publish actual medical articles about actual medical problems. I read their stuff and they sound so smart! I never have really wanted to publish that sort of stuff because I really don't have the time to put into it to make it as good as I would want. But I was asked a few months ago to write an article for a physician magazine called Unique Opportunities. They said I could write about anything I wanted...but I had no idea what I wanted to write about. Then one day I was asking for something- I don't even remember what it was- and it occurred to me that I ask for stuff all the time and I've started to look at negotiating as a sort of game. So that's what I wrote about. I told someone at work about it and got asked to talk to the civilian personnel about the same topic at their luncheon. It was fun!

Check out the article at this website. I'm not really sure how to operate the online reader thing, but if you go to the bottom tool bar and click the 2nd one over (download pdf), then search to page 62 (which is really page 60), you'll see the article there.

http://www.readoz.com/publication/read?i=1021268

I saw James' basketball game

2010-02-03T22:03:00.000-05:00

James had a basketball game today. It's the first one I've seen since he started playing here. Sometimes I feel like I am the worst mother on the planet because there is so much of my family's stuff I can't go to. I have not seen any of his soccer practices. This is the first game of his season that I've seen. Heather has swim meets that I miss. They have school meetings that I can't go to. Two school trips coming up that I won't be on.

I hope they are not scarred for life when they grow up. I hope they can grow up and remember the happy times I've tried to make for them and the memories I tried to give them and not just the stuff that I didn't see.

Worst Memory on the Planet!

2010-02-02T21:54:00.000-05:00

I had a great idea for a topic today while at work. I had planned to write about it when I got home and then I thought maybe I should write it down so I wouldn't forget. I know I can't remember things, but for some reason, I thought that this time I would. It was that good! BUT WHY WOULD I???? I never can remember it any other time! I have a little notebook that I keep in my backpack which is completely empty- maybe I should start using it.
Whatever it was, it was kind of a profound thought. Which is now lost forever.
Oh well..

Shallow Hal

2010-01-30T19:40:00.000-05:00

I had planned to write about something else. But I love this movie. I love how it explores how we see in people what we want to see. And how there is someone for everyone. Have you ever thought about how the longer you know someone and the more you like them, the more attractive they appear to you?

If only we could all go through life seeing people as they really are inside. If you are a beautiful person inside, loving and giving...then people get to see you as beautiful. If you are ugly and hateful to people, unforgiving and unloving.... people would see you with a giant nose and big warts and really bad skin with greasy hair. Oh- and you'd have bad breath and terrible B.O.

Glimpses of Things to Come

2010-01-29T21:34:00.000-05:00

This weekend I'm at a swim meet with Heather- from Friday to Sunday. We have a hotel room and it's mother-daughter weekend. Today she asked to take a walk on the beach and I decided that was the time for the talk I've been working on in my head for a couple of weeks. And surprisingly ,I was able to get a glimpse of the woman she will become some day. Life with teenagers is hard. But sometimes, if we're lucky, they'll let us see the person they will become some day. And if we are really lucky, we will see a strong, wonderful person that we will enjoy spending more time with someday. I worry myself sick over how she's doing now, how she will turn out, will she have the right values, will she talk to me about the important things, will we have a relationship when she grows up, will I be a grandmother before I'm ready, will she crash a car and kill herself or someone else??????? I don't know the answers to any of that stuff. But I see hope that she will turn out OK. Today was another one of those days that I will remember forever.

Calzones and Crosswords

2010-01-28T16:44:00.000-05:00

Here I am at 30,000 feet (on Word, not the internet!) reflecting on my day yesterday. It was the first time in about 20 years that I have spent with my brother and parents without any spouses, children, girlfriends, or extended family present. I’ve been at a class all week (more on that some other time) and had a half day at the end before I needed to head home. The class was just 90 minutes from my parents and they are just an hour from the airport. So I checked out of the hotel, saving the government about $200, and spent the afternoon with them in Venice, FL. Chris is in Tampa for pilot school and he came down for the afternoon as well. We chatted and caught up and then went and had a ginormous calzone at Luna’s. This thing was HUGE!!!! We all had a couple of pieces and there was still some left over. Then we went for ice cream and I had a scoop of some kind of raspberry chocolate ice cream with raspberry chocolate chunks inside a chocolate and chocolate sprinkle covered cone bowl thing. Oh my word, it was good! We went home and reminisced about when we were kids and my dad threw Chris’ boomerang into the pond and broke our Bat Mobiles by taking them outside when the instructions CLEARLY said “Indoor Use Only”. He will never live that down!

President Obama gave his State of the Union address. I wonder if the current SOTU speeches are what the Founding Fathers had in mind when they put that requirement in the Constitution? I wonder if the idea was to tell people how the Union actually is, or how the President wants it to be or how he wishes it had been over the last year? Actually, there’s a lot that happens now that I wonder what those old smart guys would have thought about!

My mom had this big, 2 page crossword puzzle sitting on the counter. I normally hate crossword puzzles. I think they are tedious, hard, and relatively pointless. Only one rung up the ladder from Sudoku. That game really is pointless! I have never once actually solved a Sudoku puzzle. Well, I took a glance at it and knew an answer. Big mistake! That caused me to look at another one. After getting a few right, I couldn’t stop! Mom and I worked on that thing for an hour, standing at the counter, coaching each other, fixing some stuff, giving up on other stuff and puzzling over things like a town in India and a river in New Hampshire (3 letters- anyone????). But we solved other ones like Tophi (bumps, as in gout), Dali, and netizen. Mom learned a few new words, and I learned she’s pretty smart in some areas I have no clue about. I finally had to call it a night at midnight, because I had to get up at 4AM. Ooooh, but it was hard to tear myself away. It wasn’t just the thrill of solving the puzzle. It was the joy of doing it together with my mom.

It was a great day with the family. One of those rare, special days you know might be a one time good deal. One of those whose memory will stick for years to come. One that we will be talking about in 20 years….. “Remember that time……”
Too bad those days are not more frequent. As we age, I realized that these moments with family are special and that there will be fewer and fewer as time passes. Have you called your mom today?

Newest Blog on the Web

2010-01-27T22:24:00.000-05:00

Not sure how this is going to go, but a lot of people have asked how they can stay updated on the Afghanistan deployment. The Support Ho's are out there and I love them! Thank you for all your support. And i was trying to think of a way to keep the diary of my deployment and travels. The family website is out there, but I often feel like I have to write a big long article to make it worth the while. And Facebook is often a bit to constraining to get my thoughts out- sometimes it takes 2-3 posts- I don't think that's the point. So anyhow, this is probably a one way street. I really don;t know how to blog, but we'll see how this goes.
If you like it- let me know. If you have ideas about how to make it better, let me know.